didn’t we all grow up needing to be secretive? is it because of the adage of how ‘everyone thinks women are hot’ so like even straight women would get turned on more by their own moaning?

like as a guy i don’t even…have the impulse to involve my voice in it at all

  • ChexMax@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    I always thought it was purely social conditioning, but I’ve got a theory that just popped in my head. I wonder if women need to be more vocal to communicate “Yes that’s good, keep doing that”? Like frankly my partner is often in charge of pace, depth, and even calling for position changes. I’m letting him know with my noises how good something is for me, If you should keep doing it, or if I get quiet he knows to try something different. I don’t mind him being quiet at all, until I’m on top and then I’m like I literally cannot tell if this is good for you. I have to ask out loud “is that good?” And then change something, “is that good?” After a blow-job I have to ask him, what parts did you like more than the other parts? Obviously I can tell he’s into it overall, but It’s really hard to know if a rhythm or amount of pressure is better than another if moaning doesn’t increase when you try something. Like he can absolutely tell when he hits a good spot when fingering me because my moans make it very obvious. I will straight say, “yes,” “please,” “right there,” “don’t move.” All kinds of stuff. It’s not just about making it hotter for the other person, it’s about communicating how good something is for you so they don’t have to do as much guessing

    • saltesc@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      I just figured the guy’s concentrating on keeping up the good work without blowing it.

    • CapeWearingAeroplane@sopuli.xyz
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      1 year ago

      I’ve also always thought it may have to do with social conditioning, but possibly on a non-sexual level. My thought is that guys are (generally) conditioned to be more quiet about intimate things, or things that are good, and more loud in “aggressive” situations. This fits well with the factual observation that men are less likely to talk about personal problems with a friend, and more likely to push the boundaries (be vocal) in an interview. In my head, it’s an extension of the “strong, silent” stereotype, which is often regarded as positive. Women, on the other hand, are (typically) socially conditioned to be more vocal about feelings in general. I wouldn’t be surprised if these conditionings bleed over into how vocal people are during sex.

      With that said: I’m a guy, and my gf likes it when I make noises. Once I got used to it, I also learned to enjoy grunting. Grunting is highly recommended.

  • paddirn@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    I make some noise, no idea how enjoyable it is for the other person, mostly alot of grunting or abusive language. It gets comedic when I’m like, “Yeah bitch, I’m gonna fuck that pussy all night.” Then I cum like 10 seconds later.

  • Ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    1 year ago

    Trans woman here, and I can say from first hand experience that hormones change sexual response and desire. I’m guessing (and only guessing) that that is at least a part of the reason.

    I know my own experience changed and i vocalise more, but even I can’t tell you why.

    • peopleproblems@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      You know I’ve never really thought about it until now, but besides the hormones helping your body match who you are, do the hormones change anything mentally? I assume no personality changes, but I’ve wondered if things like senses, pain, temperature tolerance etc. change.

      Edit: that’s wild y’all. thanks for the answers.

      • Ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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        1 year ago

        Skin sensitivity, smell, taste, posture, temperature tolerance, it can all change!

        • Bebo
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          2 months ago

          deleted by creator

      • agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works
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        1 year ago

        Cis, but I’ve heard that MtF typically your vision becomes more sensitive to color differences, and FtM it becomes more sensitive to shapes and outlines.

        • kase@lemmy.world
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          1 year ago

          Ftm here, I’ve never heard of this before. If anybody has further information, I’d be very interested

      • Solivine@sopuli.xyz
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        1 year ago

        I know for MtF the temperature tolerance goes down because of physical changes. I’m sure the hormones change things mentally, whether you’re aware of it or not. They’re a big change.

      • captainlezbian@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        So personality changes in the same way antidepressants have them. But yeah the rest absolutely. I became more scent over vision, increased pain tolerance relative to mental state (but happy has way less physical pain tolerance than dead inside so it’s not necessarily an increase), and everything is too damn cold

    • RaspberryRobot@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      Trans man, I would say I vocalize more now that I’m T but that might just have to do with my life circumstances significantly improving at the same time, so I tend use my voice more often in general.

    • Outcide@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      On the other hand, recent studies have indicated that most copulatory vocalizations in women do not accompany their own orgasm, but rather their partner’s ejaculation. The study showed that the man typically finds the woman’s vocalization arousing and highly exciting, and that the woman herself is aware of this.

    • RGB3x3@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      Vocalizations can be used intentionally by women in order to boost the self-esteem of their partner and to cause quicker ejaculation.

      Ha, name a woman that hasn’t done this to hurry along bad sex.

  • corruptmagician@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Try it sometime, my wife loves it and I grew to not be shy about it. There is something about letting out moans and noises that makes sex so much better.

  • iheartneopets@lemm.ee
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    1 year ago

    You guys are all over thinking this. A lot. I’m pretty sure it’s because basically all porn has a very loud female role and a near silent male role. There’s been lots of studies on how porn affects people’s actual sex lives. Vocalization is a part of that. Girls watch it in formative years, learn “This must be what my partner will find hot,” just like tons of other emulated behavior from other media. Boys do the same.

  • PhineaZ@feddit.de
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    1 year ago

    See moaning and panting and the softly whispered “fuuuuucky yes” more as a means of expressing arousal and excitement. My SO is fairly vocal (involuntarily, I love it), but I had to learn it first. It really feels good tho’, I suppose it depends on what your partner wants/likes?

  • jray4559@lemmy.sdf.org
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    1 year ago

    Porn has done it for dozens of years at this point, and it has just become not only an expectation, but just a thing that gets picked up.

    • Klear@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      The reason men don’t moan during sex is the same reason why Gordon Freeman doesn’t talk, basically.

  • -☆-@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    1 year ago

    As a trans woman, I noticed it started happening fully unintentionally after HRT. It’s anecdotal, but makes me feel like there’s definitely a chemical component because it actually surprised me.