Context: I’m 19 and have had my driver’s license since last summer. I was never interested in driving, but my family pressured me into signing up for driving school (they said it’s a basic skill), so I did it and got my license - somehow - despite never feeling safe or in control behind the wheel during the learning process. I haven’t driven much since then, but on the few occasions I did, I still felt out of control. Two weeks ago, I had a pretty bad car accident due to failing to yield the right of way (I struggle with multitasking). I got hit by two cars. Thankfully, my boyfriend was with me. He’s a bit older and much more confident, extroverted, brave, and uninhibited - he managed to handle the situation with the other drivers and deal with all the protocols for me because I was completely overwhelmed and just crying. Thankfully, no one was hurt, so I only got my license suspended for 60 days, a fine, and I have to pay for the damages. My dad settled all of that already. Now I don’t want to ever drive again. But my dad says it’s fine and that every driver gets into an accident at some point.
It depends entirely on where you live.
Despite what everyone around you is saying it’s not absolutely necessary to drive. People manage this in all areas across America.
Don’t drive again until you’re ready. That may be a few weeks, it could be a decade, possibly never again.
In France we have a possibility to get tutored to get more experience before passing the exam. It is basically driving with your parents or people with more than 3 years without accident. If your parents can find time to do some tutoring it could help. I remember how I could feel out of control but having my parents next to me was an insurance that someone was monitoring the traffic and pedestrians around and could tell me to brake if I was focused on something else.
There is no such thing as a bad reason for not wanting to drive a car. Any reason that makes you not want to drive a car is valid.
Your reaction is perfectly valid. Come, join us at fuckcars
There’s some good driving sims that could help the anxiety. Safe place to practice if you live in one of the places without public transport.
New Mario kart is open world
Not an overreaction especially remembering how I was at first through the driving school driving lessons - a nerveous panicky wreck.
It does get better with time, you just get used to it. I’ve driven for 17 years now without an accident. The system starts making sense at one point.
You’re absolutely valid and not overreacting. Unfortunately, depending on where you live, you might not have many other options - but if you can look into other modes of transportation you should.
Driving is dangerous, and not everyone is cut out for it. The great thing about public transit is that it’s much safer and less stressful, it doesn’t demand focus and attention - and that benefits drivers too, because it means fewer bad drivers will feel like they have to drive and it reduces traffic in general.
It all comes down to what the alternative is. If your alternative to driving is relying on others to drive you places, it’ll reduce your independence or be expensive (if you use rideshares). But if the alternative is biking or taking a train, then by all means go for it. There’s lots of reasons cars suck, danger, stress, insurance, gas, traffic, pollution, lots of reasons to look into other options.
No you’re not overreacting, but if you’re in America unfortunately you basically have to drive to be a full fledged person. Our governments do not provide you a reasonable alternative. I’d personally love to quit myself, but I’m the only driver in my household.
It depends where you live in America, but you’re basically correct.
You will make your own choices based on your experience, but I would advise you to reflect on what specifically led to your accident.
I also learned to drive late (at 18) because I rode my bike everywhere and didn’t have a car anyway, and didn’t feel quite in control. I was anxious about following all the rules. But a high schooler 3 years older than me said once she realized that you basically weren’t allowed to hit anyone else, and all the other rules fall under that, driving made a lot more sense.
The 60 hours of supervised driving never felt long enough for me, and I kept trying to get practice sessions with my parents after that. I once drove some friends around somewhere and realized I wasn’t as safe as I wanted to be, so after that I didn’t drive friends around for a while until I got more skilled.
Because while I was learning to drive, I really couldn’t do other things at the same time: listen to a conversation, the radio, think about anything that hard – I had to remove distractions to focus on driving.
Much later when I had more practice, driving got to be more second nature, and I feel safe driving other people around again.
I went through this one more time when I learned how to drive standard (“stick shift”), I had to remove distractions and focus on how to drive, or I could have a lot of difficulty.
So I don’t think you should give up driving entirely, because no one starts out as a “good driver” and you may need more practice than perhaps you think you “should” need. But you should take your responsibility seriously, and figure out how to get more safe practice opportunities, and take care to remove distractions and set yourself up for success. Which might mean saying no to driving in certain situations, but yes in others, until you are more skilled.
It’s like anything else, it will take time to get comfortable with it. During that period you should probably focus on getting practice in out-of-the-way places where you’re less likely to be overwhelmed or distracted and can potentially cause problems. As someone who has never been able to drive and lives in country whose general opinion of public transportation is ‘Hahaha no’, not being able to drive can suck pretty bad. I’m always relying on others, beholden to their schedules, their bad planning, their poor time-management skills, etc, and the only alternative is taking a cab which gets expensive quick. Being able to drive, even if you don’t do it a lot, is a valuable skill and something you will get more comfortable with the more you do (and doing it regularly is key to build that familiarity and level of confidence.)
No, you’re not overreacting. You know you and you can point at serious consequences now. Keep the license valid if you can - you don’t know what life still has in store for you and you want to keep your options open. But by all means toss the keys to somebody else.
most US states have a State ID that is a valid alternative to a driver’s license if you really need to get the point across
I still find it crazy that basic ID in the USA is not mainstream. In France you have one as soon as you are born (and you need it or password for all national exam).
Please get the hell off the road.
I’d say dont drive if you arent comfortable, but not driving can be a huuuge impediment to your work and personal life, depending on your lifestyle. This also might be a good way to build your confidence overall, as it’s pretty obvious youre more anxious in general than most.
Sounds to me like you just haven’t had enough practice, given that you aren’t interested in driving and haven’t don it much. If you can find people to drive you around or don’t mind taking buses and paying for Uber etc, not driving will probably be no more than a minor inconvenience - depending on where you live and how easy it is to get around without a car. Could influence your decisions about where to live and where to work, and having appointments could occasionally suck, but again it depends on your environment.
