I had some relationships before, but one of them (10 Years from now) hit me so hard, that i struggle with it for today on. My Ex Cheated on me with several other guys on a schooltrip. We were in an monogam relationship that time so… Needless to say that I ended it after that trip.
After that time i See dangerous in other guys for my relationships.
I know that it is not the case. And that my previous relationships is not my current one, but that trauma sits deep whithin me. I was often jealous but with the help of a book i managed to control it, and things got better.
My current girlfriend has a longtime friend (Kevin) since school. They sometimes seeing each other and walk together through the park. That happens 2-4 Times a year. So not really often.
On one trip Kevin told my girlfriend, that he met a girl (Sahra) which he only knows from a videogame, fucked her and wants to move to her by 2025. Sahra had a relationship in that time. So she cheated with Kevin on her boyfriend (Mathew) that time. On New Years Eve Sahra broke up with Kevin because things between her and her boyfriend Mathew got better again. Remember that for later.
My girlfriend and I live together but sometimes she stays on her parents house to watch their cats. Most of the time I am with her to help her.
One day in 2022 she broke up with me for several hours on our Anniversary-Date after dinner.
She told me that for her taste we had too often sex, and that she is not comfortable with that. I told her, that we could discussed that normally without a breakup and that we can slow things down. So after that day, we came from 2-3 Times Sex in a week to… 2-4 in a year. But we managed to stay together and things again got better.
We stayed for this week at her parents house, to watch their cats again.
Yesterday I drove home, while she visited a friend.
Today we would meet up again at her parents home and stay for the weekend together.
But she told me, that Kevin - which I introduced before -, wants to meet up with her, at her parents home, to play some boardgames and watch films together.
I said “okay, what should I bring from home?”. And than she told me, that she would do something in private with him in her parents house. I told her, that by the circumstances I’m not okay with this, because I’ve a bad feeling about this. Now she isn’t replying since hours… And that drives me crazy -_- Am I overreacting?
I’m sorry if this is not what you’re asking… But sex 2-3 times a week to 2-4 times a year? Are you really ok with that? This is what stands out to me most here.
She is extremely afraid of becoming pregnant. And she says my… Device is a little to thick to be enjoyfull for her. She says it hurts more than its joyfull.
But yeah. I am okay with this, if that means I can be with her. I really love her.
So to get to your actual question, from what exactly you wrote you definitely seem to be overreacting to this specific situation. They’re at her parents home, she’s unlikely to have any intentions to cheat on you there.
However, if you don’t mind me saying, your relationship also doesn’t sound completely secure to me. Would you mind some more questions regarding the general relationship and yourself and some advice in that regard or are you fine with this for now? :)
It sounds like her parents aren’t home when she stays there. OP said she cat sits for them, if I understood correctly. So they could very well have the entire home alone. Could still be harmless but definitely different than if mom and dad were in the other room.
Exactly. Her Parents arent at home until Sunday. They would have the entire house for them alone.
I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with them being alone together, however if you aren’t comfortable with it and you tell her that, she has a choice to make. Setting acceptable boundaries is a fundamental part of any relationship.
It would be understandable if she said “No, we’re still going to hang out. We’re just friends.”
It would also be understandable if she chose to cancel or to invite you along, as a way to respect your boundaries.
You aren’t wrong for setting boundaries and she isn’t wrong for wanting to hang out with him, assuming she has no intentions of being intimate with him.
Communication is the most important part of all this, though. And communication has to go both ways.
Yeah I agree. That is one part of the problem, because I try to reach her and talk about things and she is really fast annoyed about all that.
I respect her boundaries and normally she does respect mine.
In the meantime she texted me, but not to this context. She just ignored it. I will drive in 2 hours to her parents house and will talk about it than.
I really just want to be a part of that for one time. So he knows that I am still in a relationship with her. And after that she can met him alone for some time again.
Because as mentioned, she doesn’t tell anyone about me (apart from parents and close friends. Kevin isnt one of those close friends). She wants that our relationship is a private thing.
Its just… That really bad taste, because he just did cheat with a person who was in a relationship. I do not trust him. And also will make him clear, that I am still in a relationship with her.
The fact that she isn’t telling her non-romantic male friend about you is very concerning to me, honestly. I understand wanting privacy but honestly, there is a bit of a concerning trend with her it seems. Talking to her is the absolute best thing to do though, so it sounds like you’re on the right track.
Wishing you the best with all this.
Yeah, I feel not completely sure in my relationship with her. But I am 6 years with her now.
That being said is, because I will do and drop anything for her. I encourage and motivate her on an daily basis. Whereas she doesn’t seem to mention me by her colleagues and maybe Kevin.
I met Kevin a long time ago, but I don’t know if he knows that she is in a relationship with me.
She says, that she doesn’t mention me, because our relationship should be a private thing. And if people don’t know that you’re in an relationship, they are nicer to you. She says she won’t talk about me with colleagues to get an advantage of it in her career.
We can continue with questions, if that helps to understand my situation. I would greatly appreciate it.
Have you tried making sex better for her? Foreplay/lube etc?
Update: We just broke up.
Makes sense to me. I came back to this a little late, did not see your replies to my comment(s) until now. Having read everything you wrote: your parents not at home (I thought they were), she reducing sex massively, her not wanting to talk about you, the increase in contact to the guy, all seemed to me like she was not attracted to you anymore.
I’m really sorry. If you need someone to talk to or something (in German as well if you like, your name sounds like that, I’m from Germany), we can if you want. I haven’t had a situation like this, but I know how much breakups hurt.
Ja ich bin Deutscher. Das macht es deutlich einfacher zu schreiben. Tja 6 Jahre einfach weg… Ist echt scheiße.
Ich danke dir auf jeden Fall dafür, dass du das alles gelesen hast und dich mit meiner Situation beschäftigt hast!
Und vor allem auch für das Angebot!
Aber ich glaube ich will jetzt erstmal alleine sein… Ich fühl mich im Moment noch wie betäubt…
Ich konnte nicht weinen, wie beim ersten Mal. Sie dafür diesmal schon.
Meinte Sie hätte mich lieber erst jetzt kennengelernt. Im Moment sieht Sie in mir nur noch die Fehler die Ich am Anfang unserer Beziehung gemacht habe. Meint aber auch das es unfair ist, weil ich mich schon deutlich gebessert habe und man das auch sieht… Es nur halt nicht reicht.
Sie will mich nicht verletzen, aber Sie ist nicht mehr glücklich.
Sie will es sich heute nochmal durch den Kopf gehen lassen und mir morgen mitteilen ob es diesmal endgültig ist…
Zum Glück ist das Remaster von Oblivion released worden und ich hab noch Urlaub. Schlafen kann ich jetzt eh erstmal nicht mehr :/
Nix zu danken. Ist verständlich das mit dem alleine sein.
Ich hab selbst vor 2.5 Jahren einvernehmlich ne 7 jährige Beziehung beendet, ich habe die Grundlagen geändert und sie hat dann gesagt, dass das für sie nicht geht. War danach auch ziemlich am Arsch xD
Dann mal viel Spaß mit dem remaster. Ich hab zu der Zeit viel Dota gespielt :)
