I had some relationships before, but one of them (10 Years from now) hit me so hard, that i struggle with it for today on. My Ex Cheated on me with several other guys on a schooltrip. We were in an monogam relationship that time so… Needless to say that I ended it after that trip.

After that time i See dangerous in other guys for my relationships.

I know that it is not the case. And that my previous relationships is not my current one, but that trauma sits deep whithin me. I was often jealous but with the help of a book i managed to control it, and things got better.

My current girlfriend has a longtime friend (Kevin) since school. They sometimes seeing each other and walk together through the park. That happens 2-4 Times a year. So not really often.

On one trip Kevin told my girlfriend, that he met a girl (Sahra) which he only knows from a videogame, fucked her and wants to move to her by 2025. Sahra had a relationship in that time. So she cheated with Kevin on her boyfriend (Mathew) that time. On New Years Eve Sahra broke up with Kevin because things between her and her boyfriend Mathew got better again. Remember that for later.

My girlfriend and I live together but sometimes she stays on her parents house to watch their cats. Most of the time I am with her to help her.

One day in 2022 she broke up with me for several hours on our Anniversary-Date after dinner.

She told me that for her taste we had too often sex, and that she is not comfortable with that. I told her, that we could discussed that normally without a breakup and that we can slow things down. So after that day, we came from 2-3 Times Sex in a week to… 2-4 in a year. But we managed to stay together and things again got better.

We stayed for this week at her parents house, to watch their cats again.

Yesterday I drove home, while she visited a friend.

Today we would meet up again at her parents home and stay for the weekend together.

But she told me, that Kevin - which I introduced before -, wants to meet up with her, at her parents home, to play some boardgames and watch films together.

I said “okay, what should I bring from home?”. And than she told me, that she would do something in private with him in her parents house. I told her, that by the circumstances I’m not okay with this, because I’ve a bad feeling about this. Now she isn’t replying since hours… And that drives me crazy -_- Am I overreacting?

  • misterdoctor@lemmy.worldEnglish
    3·
    1 day ago

    I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with them being alone together, however if you aren’t comfortable with it and you tell her that, she has a choice to make. Setting acceptable boundaries is a fundamental part of any relationship.

    It would be understandable if she said “No, we’re still going to hang out. We’re just friends.”

    It would also be understandable if she chose to cancel or to invite you along, as a way to respect your boundaries.

    You aren’t wrong for setting boundaries and she isn’t wrong for wanting to hang out with him, assuming she has no intentions of being intimate with him.

    Communication is the most important part of all this, though. And communication has to go both ways.

    • GeraltvonNVIDIA@lemmy.mlOPEnglish
      2·
      1 day ago

      Yeah I agree. That is one part of the problem, because I try to reach her and talk about things and she is really fast annoyed about all that.

      I respect her boundaries and normally she does respect mine.

      In the meantime she texted me, but not to this context. She just ignored it. I will drive in 2 hours to her parents house and will talk about it than.

      I really just want to be a part of that for one time. So he knows that I am still in a relationship with her. And after that she can met him alone for some time again.

      Because as mentioned, she doesn’t tell anyone about me (apart from parents and close friends. Kevin isnt one of those close friends). She wants that our relationship is a private thing.

      Its just… That really bad taste, because he just did cheat with a person who was in a relationship. I do not trust him. And also will make him clear, that I am still in a relationship with her.

      • misterdoctor@lemmy.worldEnglish
        3·
        1 day ago

        The fact that she isn’t telling her non-romantic male friend about you is very concerning to me, honestly. I understand wanting privacy but honestly, there is a bit of a concerning trend with her it seems. Talking to her is the absolute best thing to do though, so it sounds like you’re on the right track.

        Wishing you the best with all this.