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Yeah, this can be a generational cultural difference.
I mourned the death of my grandfather three separate times when my mother texted me “please call”. Each time when I called back I learned something different:
- We had to change our lunch plans.
- There was an alarming local news article about driving conditions.
- My grandfather had died.
If these were all in the same day that’s quite the series of events
The last time my dad called was 16 years ago when my mum was bleeding out after surgery and we didn’t know if she was going to make it.
Other than that, it’s WhatsApp messages, and they’re usually about the dog.
I would 100% think someone had died if my dad called.
If not death, at least something horrible has happened. The last time my dad called me, it was to tell me he wasn’t actually me or my brothers biological dad, lmfao.
???
Why would she react like that to a phonecall?
Young people don’t call unless it’s serious business.
Why she reacted like that while also knowing her dad still calls people? No idea
Not just young people. I’ve seen this kind of behavior in surprisingly old people such as Gen X and even Baby Boomers, but I’ve seen it in a LOT of millennials, the youngest of whom are now in their early thirties and the oldest are in their forties.
Not just young people. I am 48, and if I get a call from my mom I would’ve thought something happened to my dad.
Yep. Basically any generation that grew up with texting and chat kinda leans this way… so millennials and younger. But also some gen x.
Phone calls are for things that can’t wait and need the other person to drop what they’re doing, and things urgent like that tend to be medical or work stuff. Or things time sensitive in another way.
Demanding the other person stop what they’re doing to attend to you immediately is considered kinda rude for minor topics when such an easy and less pushy alternative is available.
Yep same. I text and Snapchat with my mom daily. If she calls, shit went down.
That’s funny because my mom just asked me when she can call me this morning and I’m going oh fucking he’ll I just started my vacation this better be something fucking stupid like if I can order her a grout cleaner. We usually texts. She knows I don’t answer calls and if it’s really important she can call twice. My job has been on the phone since I was in college so the last thing I want to do is talk on the phone.
And, was it just a grout cleaner?
Because phonecalls are reserved for when you immediately with no delay need someone.
Asking about a show is not one of those cases.
Or just want to talk to someone? Why are we simultaneously normalizing anti-social behavior and wondering why the young people are so unhappy?
Why not text ‘wanna talk sometime’? A call demands an immediate response, so reserve it for things that demand immediate responses.
No it doesn’t. Just don’t pick up the phone. If it’s important they’ll text you to pick up the phone. There’s a reason the terms “phone tag” and “screening calls” exist.
But you don’t know the relative importance of what they’re telling vs what you’re doing. A text gives more information than just seeing your receiving a call.
That’s why people leave voicemails… you leave a verbal note of why you’re calling. And if the receiver prefers to read a text about it, several services transcribe voicemails automatically good enough to get the general gist. Or they can listen to them.
The point is that people usually don’t set out to ruin your day or misbehave, and you cannot control other people’s experience, expectations and preferences, only your own. So it’s on you to know yourself well enough to manage your boundaries appropriately with technology/tools, and possibly communication, and not to blame other people for “missteps”. When what they are doing is likely perfectly within the realm of reason to them.
Especially if they have a disability and calls are easier for them. If you have the disability, you can communicate your preferences but don’t expect people to know immediately. Set up your tech accordingly to communicate your needs. And acclimate where you can.
If things “escalate”… well… it’s likely your fault. We always need to look at our part first.
Nothing good ever came out of a voicemail I received. Disabled and wont enable again. Text me if it’s important enough for me to call back with a brief topic. I don’t call back if I don’t get a text, that’s reserved for maybe 5 people on earth.
And if the receiver prefers to read a text about it, several services transcribe voicemails automatically good enough to get the general gist.
I use these. But they’re less direct and easier to misunderstand than if it was native text. If someone wants to say it, they can voice type as well.
Damn dude, it’s not that big a deal. Just don’t pick up the phone. If it’s important they’ll find a way to let you know.
You will feel terrible if you don’t pick up the phone and it turns out to be something important, like being able to hear the last words of your grandma or something.
Texting is a lot less of a big deal than a phone call is.
if you don’t pick up they’ll get mad and say you never pick up your phone
Thanks for waking me up from the one nap I’ve gotten this year.
I’m sorry, what’s “phone tag” and “screening calls”? Never heard of any of that.
Maybe this is just me and my circle but if someone just wants to talk I’d typically expect that more over discord or something like that rather than phone call unless they’re older.
Other than that phone call is for urgent stuff or something that’s going to have a lot of back and forth and is quicker pver phone.
Unless you know for sure that the other person is legitimately bored, sitting around not doing anything, imposing yourself on someone like this is rude.
It’s not imposing. You don’t have to answer.
You would have, if you knew how important it was.
But you can’t know that of a phone call, with a text you can.
So when you “just want to talk” you call someone out of the blue and just expect them to stop what they’re doing and have a little chat? I had a friend like that and I hated it because they always called at the worst moments so I wouldn’t pick up and then they assumed I disliked them and played the victim by a mutual friend. That’s when I actually started disliking them. So don’t randomly call people please thank you.
Also texting someone instead of talking isn’t antisocial behaviour. You can say as much in a text as you can say in a call and the other person can reply to your text and continue doing what they’re doing at the same time.
You absolutely cannot say in a text what you can in a call
You can multitask while texting, true, but that is antisocial. Social, is having a conversation.
how is that antisocial?
In our family it looks exactly like this, that’s why I found it very funny :)
We usually just chat (or videochat) and when f.e. dad randomly calls me then it’s some serious business. And for that brief moment my mind jumps to most catastrophic scenarios why he could be calling me. And I think it goes both ways because when I call dad the first question usually is “Hi, did something happen?”
I react this way when my mom calls because she never calls me and the one time she did, it was because my grandmother died.
For real, the last 2 times my mom called me was to tell me my dad had a heart attack and that my nephew died, so I 100% expect something like that if she calls me.
Crippling socal anxiety
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Probably a normal thing in the US, where families are so broken by default a simple call from a parent sounds like a disaster.
No, it is not normal thing in the US.
Why so hostile?
I like trolling
Yes, feed my blocklist. It grows corpulent with your bloated corpses.
Why use a communication mode that demands an immediate response if you don’t actually need one?
Same reason people at home just come up to each other and start talking (which actually requires immediate response) even when the topic is non-urgent whatsoever, instead of leaving notes around the house.
It’s all based on differing conventions among people, so saying a call “demands immediate response” is putting your convention above others as the only true one.
In my family the convention is a bit different. A single call does not signal any urgency and so no one is expected nor obliged to answer if they don’t feel like it. A second call after the first one wasn’t answered implies importance. Third and more calls imply urgency and then emergency. If something is important or urgent and calls aren’t getting answered, a message is sent.
I like my convention. I also have slightly different conventions with some friends. I am also aware different people may have different conventions and I don’t hold mine to be superior or theirs inferior.
I agree your convention would supercede the one I’m taking about. I kinda like it too.
I think conversation is different though since there is a major effort imbalance between writing a note and taking. But there is no effort imbalance in texting or calling, especially since you can voice type.
Because sometimes it’s easier. Sometimes you just want to hear your kid’s voice. The horror.
Text ‘can we call? I’d love to talk sometime!’
Broken? What are you talking about? My dad started leaving me home alone for weeks at a time at age 12. By age 16 it was months at a time, and my house became the place where other kids came to hang out. I graduated college, or University. Then became a heroin addict. My family stopped talking to me because of this thing called “tough love”. Now, I’m all better and have my own family with kids and a partner, but my dad and sister wonder why I won’t let them be a part of it (my mom died when I was 8).
You know regular all American family. Nothing weird, or dysfunctional here. Definitely not broken.
I think this is a skill issue
Are zoomers really like this?
Sorry if I don’t think minor topics are worthy of the immediate attention needed for a phone call?
Phone calls are reserved for emergencies. Otherwise you’re just demanding the instant attention of someone for nothing.
Not demanding, asking. Declining a call is always an option.
I like to compare calling to someone knocking on your door incessantly for several seconds.
You can ignore it or decline to answer. It’s still annoying af.
So why call in the first place? And how will I ever know what the call was about? Unless you text, of course, so why not just do that in the first place?
You may not intent for it to be a demand, but unless you have your phone on silent, it will keep ringing and making noise until you do something about it. It demands an action, and tries to get your attention as much as possible.
Which is why it’s designated to emergencies. This makes calling more useful as well, because now you know calls are more important, and can actually treat them with more urgency. Otherwise you’re just gonna end up ignoring what may be an actual emergency, because you treat every phone call the same.
Gen X here, only had a smartphone 5 years as before I was avoiding it. Typing is painful. Just answer the phone and we’ll get that query sorted in less time than I would take to type the initial question. Don’t be a big baby about it.
I hate typing too but having to answer a phone call triggers PTSD. NOPE.
If it’s genuine PTSD then you have my every sympathy and I hope that you can get some peace from it.
Nobody I’m calling have anything worse than lazyitis.
Still better to text. Then if they can’t talk right then you can still let them know what it is, and they can get back to you when they have a moment.
Except the problem is I don’t know what the call is about so you’re asking me to make a except/declined decision with no information.
If you send a text message I have the information.
I’m 40. I don’t even answer the phone if it rings. If it’s important they can leave a message.
Which I’ll check in a few days. If it’s important, and they are pinned underneath a vehicle about to die, they can send a voice memo.
It’s more of a Millenial thing. I’m 35 and I don’t pick up the phone ever unless it’s an emergency or a job interview.
How do you know it’s an emergency if you don’t pick up the phone
I don’t if you won’t text me. So it’s on you.
Furthermore, in a real emergency, people tend to blow up your phone. So if someone is calling multiple times, of course I’ll answer, if nothing more than to yell at them for blowing up my phone.
I’m 36 and if you want to call me, then fine? Who cares? I don’t get why it’s such a big deal.
Because people suck, and they tend to be more rude on the phone. I don’t want to deal with it.
Not to mention that the only time my phone rings, it’s almost always a scam. I prefer not to engage with bullshitters.
If it’s important, then text me.
Also almost 40. Fuck synchronous communications. Inferior in every possible way.
Gen-x’r here who doesn’t even have the phone app on my home screen.
Fuck phone calls!
That’s about outgoing calls. Incoming calls still will be fullscreen pop-ups
I don’t think all zoomers are, but a LOT of the people I know are TERRIFIED of phone calls. I was like that too, before I started applying for jobs and had to make like 3 calls a week.
Yeah, I’m a millennial and use to have terrible phone anxiety. It prevented me from being able to get a job for a long time. I would always try to go in person instead because it was less anxiety inducing but never got a job that way.
This comic strip is flawed… nobody who would react that way to a phone call would have their phone out of silent mode.
The like 5 times I’ve heard my phone in a decade were all on accident.
I was a shift manager at a casino. After that job ended, I’ve never had my phone off silent and I won’t talk on it unless it’s 200% necessary…I just perpetually and always have bad service…don’t ask about the faraday cage in my workshop, it came like that when I built it.
This is something that idk if I’ll ever get used to about lemmy
It’s a meme. It’s a joke. It’s deliberately blown out of proportion.
Y’all need to calm tf down.
so… instead of discussing this… we should what? Post lol in all our coments?
lol
lol
No but the amount of people practically shitting themselves over someone’s social anxiety about phone calls is a little overdramatic.
Gee, it sounds like you have no idea what it’s like to have a panic attack or anxiety attack.
Who are you arguing for here?
me and other people like me who are often misunderstood when having a panic attack.
Hint: the phone call is not the problem.
not sure what you’re talking about. My phone anxiety was always based around the phone and making phone calls.
That’s the symptom.
so?
Lol i kinda enjoy the weirdly serious discussions about shitposts. Its both absurd and oddly insightful at times.
Lemmys will follow any topic over the edge of a cliff :P
In my direct experience (albeit anecdotal) this is not simply a joke, but reality. So many of my colleagues have this fear, especially the younger ones, and with everyone demanding full remote it fucks my shit up real bad when they won’t even answer the damn phone.
To me it feels texting takes longer. Call someone up and it’s done in less than a minute. Why wtite some long ass message?
Most folks don’t even bother writing back… Message seen? Best forget about it.
For me, it’s about evidence and accountability.
This so much. Text/email/slack leaves a permanent, searchable record. Synchronous communication is complete garbage and there are very few scenarios where it should be tolerated, much less encouraged.
Honestly, I’m at the point where if someone insists on calling, I assume they are up to something and are intentionally trying to not go “on the record”
Kinda depends, doesn’t it?
Do they need to find the information you need or is it something they can answer off the top of their head?
Does the phone call include formalities or is it just “Hey I need X” “Here’s X” “thanks, see ya!”
Is this person likely to broach other topics or answer you and move on?
Each method has its strengths depending on the question
I have to call people for work to let them know when I’ll arrive to provide the service. 3/4 of the time nobody answers, of those half either don’t have vm setup or it is full and won’t take an messages. The only people who do pick up are the elderly.
Nobody is actually this terrified of a phone call right? Besides the usual social anxiety anyway.
My father’s phone doesn’t even have internet, hell, they barely built a computer that could beat Nazi encryption back when he was born, he didn’t even see his first computer in person until he was what, 50?
He struggles at testing, no way could he navigate a modern phone haha. So, phone calls are normal for us :-)
You and your dad sound like what, millennial and Boomer? You’re definitely not Gen Z or younger though I’m assuming.
I’m 40 so elder millennial I guess. I like Gen Z overall but goddamn do they SUCK at using the damn phone. I train a lot of 22-24yo kids at work and they truly are terrified of phone calls. Video call, friggin forget it man. Like they might turn on their camera once if I directly ask or tell them but it’s a battle every time.
This is the same generation that’s demanding full remote, and they refuse to actually communicate remotely. It’s really frustrating and annoying. How in the world do you expect to function in a group if you can’t or won’t communicate with people in real time? Do they really expect to go to their entire careers only texting or emailing?
Again I like them overall, they are very smart educated and resourceful, but their communication absolutely fucking sucks. So yeah this comic is super accurate but I don’t find it funny.
How in the world do you expect to function in a group if you can’t or won’t communicate with people in real time?
wow. i thought it was just me.
I’ve got really good people on the team – but only if you trust them go do stuff with zero communications and then the pop back up with completed work. Which is kinda ok if you don’t need to do any team projects. Its driving me nuts and I totally see why some managers are like “fuck it, get your ass into the same room”. Its simply easier than coaching people on how to be slightly better than a chatbot.
My dad is probably about the same age (currently 81)
He didn’t touch a computer until the mid 2000s, and he just wanted to be able to email. It was a looooong journey to get him comfortable doing that.
Since he got a smart phone he texts literally every day, has installed a number of apps himself, can mostly get new services working himself (he did Amazon Prime, with some mild hand holding).
If anything, I call him more then he calls me!
It’s doable :)
This is why I call my parents weekly, so that phone calls from them are statistically less likely to be about dead grandparents. Still would freak-out when my same age friends call me, as the only time that has happened I learnt a good friend died of liver failure.
Uh? You okay man?
This is probably family dependent. My family is similar to OP’s, we usually text if we want to have casual conversations. Voice calls are limited to serious topics only… unless I text them “hey, let’s have a call” or something like that first.
A phonecall is so much nicer, quicker and leaves a lot less room for misunderstanding.
I don’t like shot-messages-communication, especially not when it’s a delicate topic.
And yes, I’m old, and an extrovert.
Disagree, I despise phone calls. Something about the data compression makes everything sound distorted and blown out, it’s like nails on a chalkboard to me. It’s fine for short, urgent messages, but until fidelity gets a lot better there’s nothing I want to do less than talk over the phone for extended periods of time.
Well, you might be a special case, but phone’s are usually quite well adjusted for human voices, so they shouldn’t sound like something a person wouldn’t want to listen too.
For me, if it’s urgent, sure a call is fine. A message doesn’t require the other person’s attention to be redirected at your demand though. They can get around to it when it’s convenient for them.
If it’s not important you can email it to me lol. My dad who is 75 also prefers emailing me and if more time sensitive he texts or sends a discord message. Phone calls are for emergencies and even then I know he wouldn’t call.
This is so sad and pathetic. Grow up, seek help, get medicated, touch grass.
How edgy.
