Not just young people. I’ve seen this kind of behavior in surprisingly old people such as Gen X and even Baby Boomers, but I’ve seen it in a LOT of millennials, the youngest of whom are now in their early thirties and the oldest are in their forties.
Yep. Basically any generation that grew up with texting and chat kinda leans this way… so millennials and younger. But also some gen x.
Phone calls are for things that can’t wait and need the other person to drop what they’re doing, and things urgent like that tend to be medical or work stuff. Or things time sensitive in another way.
Demanding the other person stop what they’re doing to attend to you immediately is considered kinda rude for minor topics when such an easy and less pushy alternative is available.
That’s funny because my mom just asked me when she can call me this morning and I’m going oh fucking he’ll I just started my vacation this better be something fucking stupid like if I can order her a grout cleaner. We usually texts. She knows I don’t answer calls and if it’s really important she can call twice. My job has been on the phone since I was in college so the last thing I want to do is talk on the phone.
No it doesn’t. Just don’t pick up the phone. If it’s important they’ll text you to pick up the phone. There’s a reason the terms “phone tag” and “screening calls” exist.
But you don’t know the relative importance of what they’re telling vs what you’re doing. A text gives more information than just seeing your receiving a call.
That’s why people leave voicemails… you leave a verbal note of why you’re calling. And if the receiver prefers to read a text about it, several services transcribe voicemails automatically good enough to get the general gist. Or they can listen to them.
The point is that people usually don’t set out to ruin your day or misbehave, and you cannot control other people’s experience, expectations and preferences, only your own. So it’s on you to know yourself well enough to manage your boundaries appropriately with technology/tools, and possibly communication, and not to blame other people for “missteps”. When what they are doing is likely perfectly within the realm of reason to them.
Especially if they have a disability and calls are easier for them. If you have the disability, you can communicate your preferences but don’t expect people to know immediately. Set up your tech accordingly to communicate your needs. And acclimate where you can.
If things “escalate”… well… it’s likely your fault. We always need to look at our part first.
Nothing good ever came out of a voicemail I received. Disabled and wont enable again. Text me if it’s important enough for me to call back with a brief topic. I don’t call back if I don’t get a text, that’s reserved for maybe 5 people on earth.
You will feel terrible if you don’t pick up the phone and it turns out to be something important, like being able to hear the last words of your grandma or something.
Texting is a lot less of a big deal than a phone call is.
Maybe this is just me and my circle but if someone just wants to talk I’d typically expect that more over discord or something like that rather than phone call unless they’re older.
Other than that phone call is for urgent stuff or something that’s going to have a lot of back and forth and is quicker pver phone.
Unless you know for sure that the other person is legitimately bored, sitting around not doing anything, imposing yourself on someone like this is rude.
So when you “just want to talk” you call someone out of the blue and just expect them to stop what they’re doing and have a little chat? I had a friend like that and I hated it because they always called at the worst moments so I wouldn’t pick up and then they assumed I disliked them and played the victim by a mutual friend. That’s when I actually started disliking them. So don’t randomly call people please thank you.
Also texting someone instead of talking isn’t antisocial behaviour. You can say as much in a text as you can say in a call and the other person can reply to your text and continue doing what they’re doing at the same time.
In our family it looks exactly like this, that’s why I found it very funny :)
We usually just chat (or videochat) and when f.e. dad randomly calls me then it’s some serious business. And for that brief moment my mind jumps to most catastrophic scenarios why he could be calling me. And I think it goes both ways because when I call dad the first question usually is “Hi, did something happen?”
For real, the last 2 times my mom called me was to tell me my dad had a heart attack and that my nephew died, so I 100% expect something like that if she calls me.
Same reason people at home just come up to each other and start talking (which actually requires immediate response) even when the topic is non-urgent whatsoever, instead of leaving notes around the house.
It’s all based on differing conventions among people, so saying a call “demands immediate response” is putting your convention above others as the only true one.
In my family the convention is a bit different. A single call does not signal any urgency and so no one is expected nor obliged to answer if they don’t feel like it. A second call after the first one wasn’t answered implies importance. Third and more calls imply urgency and then emergency. If something is important or urgent and calls aren’t getting answered, a message is sent.
I like my convention. I also have slightly different conventions with some friends. I am also aware different people may have different conventions and I don’t hold mine to be superior or theirs inferior.
I agree your convention would supercede the one I’m taking about. I kinda like it too.
I think conversation is different though since there is a major effort imbalance between writing a note and taking. But there is no effort imbalance in texting or calling, especially since you can voice type.
Broken? What are you talking about? My dad started leaving me home alone for weeks at a time at age 12. By age 16 it was months at a time, and my house became the place where other kids came to hang out. I graduated college, or University. Then became a heroin addict. My family stopped talking to me because of this thing called “tough love”. Now, I’m all better and have my own family with kids and a partner, but my dad and sister wonder why I won’t let them be a part of it (my mom died when I was 8).
You know regular all American family. Nothing weird, or dysfunctional here. Definitely not broken.
???
Why would she react like that to a phonecall?
Young people don’t call unless it’s serious business.
Why she reacted like that while also knowing her dad still calls people? No idea
Not just young people. I’ve seen this kind of behavior in surprisingly old people such as Gen X and even Baby Boomers, but I’ve seen it in a LOT of millennials, the youngest of whom are now in their early thirties and the oldest are in their forties.
Not just young people. I am 48, and if I get a call from my mom I would’ve thought something happened to my dad.
Yep. Basically any generation that grew up with texting and chat kinda leans this way… so millennials and younger. But also some gen x.
Phone calls are for things that can’t wait and need the other person to drop what they’re doing, and things urgent like that tend to be medical or work stuff. Or things time sensitive in another way.
Demanding the other person stop what they’re doing to attend to you immediately is considered kinda rude for minor topics when such an easy and less pushy alternative is available.
Yep same. I text and Snapchat with my mom daily. If she calls, shit went down.
That’s funny because my mom just asked me when she can call me this morning and I’m going oh fucking he’ll I just started my vacation this better be something fucking stupid like if I can order her a grout cleaner. We usually texts. She knows I don’t answer calls and if it’s really important she can call twice. My job has been on the phone since I was in college so the last thing I want to do is talk on the phone.
And, was it just a grout cleaner?
Because phonecalls are reserved for when you immediately with no delay need someone.
Asking about a show is not one of those cases.
Or just want to talk to someone? Why are we simultaneously normalizing anti-social behavior and wondering why the young people are so unhappy?
Why not text ‘wanna talk sometime’? A call demands an immediate response, so reserve it for things that demand immediate responses.
No it doesn’t. Just don’t pick up the phone. If it’s important they’ll text you to pick up the phone. There’s a reason the terms “phone tag” and “screening calls” exist.
But you don’t know the relative importance of what they’re telling vs what you’re doing. A text gives more information than just seeing your receiving a call.
That’s why people leave voicemails… you leave a verbal note of why you’re calling. And if the receiver prefers to read a text about it, several services transcribe voicemails automatically good enough to get the general gist. Or they can listen to them.
The point is that people usually don’t set out to ruin your day or misbehave, and you cannot control other people’s experience, expectations and preferences, only your own. So it’s on you to know yourself well enough to manage your boundaries appropriately with technology/tools, and possibly communication, and not to blame other people for “missteps”. When what they are doing is likely perfectly within the realm of reason to them.
Especially if they have a disability and calls are easier for them. If you have the disability, you can communicate your preferences but don’t expect people to know immediately. Set up your tech accordingly to communicate your needs. And acclimate where you can.
If things “escalate”… well… it’s likely your fault. We always need to look at our part first.
Nothing good ever came out of a voicemail I received. Disabled and wont enable again. Text me if it’s important enough for me to call back with a brief topic. I don’t call back if I don’t get a text, that’s reserved for maybe 5 people on earth.
I use these. But they’re less direct and easier to misunderstand than if it was native text. If someone wants to say it, they can voice type as well.
Absolutely. Also hit and miss accuracy wise and can turn out to be an essay, but definitely an option.
Damn dude, it’s not that big a deal. Just don’t pick up the phone. If it’s important they’ll find a way to let you know.
if you don’t pick up they’ll get mad and say you never pick up your phone
You will feel terrible if you don’t pick up the phone and it turns out to be something important, like being able to hear the last words of your grandma or something.
Texting is a lot less of a big deal than a phone call is.
Thanks for waking me up from the one nap I’ve gotten this year.
I’m sorry, what’s “phone tag” and “screening calls”? Never heard of any of that.
Maybe this is just me and my circle but if someone just wants to talk I’d typically expect that more over discord or something like that rather than phone call unless they’re older.
Other than that phone call is for urgent stuff or something that’s going to have a lot of back and forth and is quicker pver phone.
Unless you know for sure that the other person is legitimately bored, sitting around not doing anything, imposing yourself on someone like this is rude.
It’s not imposing. You don’t have to answer.
You would have, if you knew how important it was.
But you can’t know that of a phone call, with a text you can.
So when you “just want to talk” you call someone out of the blue and just expect them to stop what they’re doing and have a little chat? I had a friend like that and I hated it because they always called at the worst moments so I wouldn’t pick up and then they assumed I disliked them and played the victim by a mutual friend. That’s when I actually started disliking them. So don’t randomly call people please thank you.
Also texting someone instead of talking isn’t antisocial behaviour. You can say as much in a text as you can say in a call and the other person can reply to your text and continue doing what they’re doing at the same time.
You absolutely cannot say in a text what you can in a call
You can multitask while texting, true, but that is antisocial. Social, is having a conversation.
how is that antisocial?
In our family it looks exactly like this, that’s why I found it very funny :)
We usually just chat (or videochat) and when f.e. dad randomly calls me then it’s some serious business. And for that brief moment my mind jumps to most catastrophic scenarios why he could be calling me. And I think it goes both ways because when I call dad the first question usually is “Hi, did something happen?”
I react this way when my mom calls because she never calls me and the one time she did, it was because my grandmother died.
For real, the last 2 times my mom called me was to tell me my dad had a heart attack and that my nephew died, so I 100% expect something like that if she calls me.
Crippling socal anxiety
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Probably a normal thing in the US, where families are so broken by default a simple call from a parent sounds like a disaster.
No, it is not normal thing in the US.
Why so hostile?
I like trolling
Yes, feed my blocklist. It grows corpulent with your bloated corpses.
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Why use a communication mode that demands an immediate response if you don’t actually need one?
Same reason people at home just come up to each other and start talking (which actually requires immediate response) even when the topic is non-urgent whatsoever, instead of leaving notes around the house.
It’s all based on differing conventions among people, so saying a call “demands immediate response” is putting your convention above others as the only true one.
In my family the convention is a bit different. A single call does not signal any urgency and so no one is expected nor obliged to answer if they don’t feel like it. A second call after the first one wasn’t answered implies importance. Third and more calls imply urgency and then emergency. If something is important or urgent and calls aren’t getting answered, a message is sent.
I like my convention. I also have slightly different conventions with some friends. I am also aware different people may have different conventions and I don’t hold mine to be superior or theirs inferior.
I agree your convention would supercede the one I’m taking about. I kinda like it too.
I think conversation is different though since there is a major effort imbalance between writing a note and taking. But there is no effort imbalance in texting or calling, especially since you can voice type.
Because sometimes it’s easier. Sometimes you just want to hear your kid’s voice. The horror.
Text ‘can we call? I’d love to talk sometime!’
Broken? What are you talking about? My dad started leaving me home alone for weeks at a time at age 12. By age 16 it was months at a time, and my house became the place where other kids came to hang out. I graduated college, or University. Then became a heroin addict. My family stopped talking to me because of this thing called “tough love”. Now, I’m all better and have my own family with kids and a partner, but my dad and sister wonder why I won’t let them be a part of it (my mom died when I was 8).
You know regular all American family. Nothing weird, or dysfunctional here. Definitely not broken.