Edit: LOL love the responses. You ain’t wrong…
Edit2: I posted this for giggles and have enjoyed it immensely. Thanks for the “parenting advice” (rolls eyes). My daughter is a shit show, but I wouldn’t trade her in for anything. She has three daughters, one of which is exactly like her and the two others are not. So…
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It’s your fault, accept the shame and teach her.
I wouldn’t put it that bluntly… but yeah. OP you can’t shame your child for not knowing something you should have taught her. Teach her, kindly, explaining why things are done a specific way.
Kindly.
I try to help my gf but she gets insanely annoyed at me
Try explaining it very slowly while raising your eyebrows and carefully enunciating.
Also, bring a Flipchart and Crayons, I’ve found that helps a lot.
But don’t be condescending (that means talking down to people)
“(that means talking down to people)”
Thanks for simplifying that big word condescension for us…🤔
Shame 🔔🔔🔔
You can bring a horse to water but can’t make it drink
But don’t whip the horse for not immediately finding the water on its own.
Or drinking it
It’s your fault, time for the late-term abortion
ftfy
Just to be clear it is called a post birth abortion and its really only ethical if they are 10 or less
So like, everybody?
I can’t speak for you, but I’m over 10 years of age.
To the shame corner with them!
They don’t learn some things, even if you teach them a 100 times.
Then you’re probably teaching wrong.
She loaded it, but poorly. Which is a vast improvement on my wifes not loading it at all.
At least you have multiple wifes
Idk I would rather have one wife who did dishes than 2 that didn’t know how to lol
Hmm, depends largely on how hot they are and if they’re into each other.
If they are into each other Im out of a fuckin job. Literally and figuratively.
Sorry Hank, but we’re replacing you with a pair of lesbians.
But I’ve been with this company ten years!
You would get to keep your job as their dishwasher.
I’d rather have one wife than two
Yeah just switch to the wife with dishwash loading skills next time.
I won’t even let my wife touch the dishwasher. Nobody does it right, but me.
Isn’t it more work to undo it and then do it again than just do it in the first place?
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You have to run a cycle in the dishwasher semi regularly to keep mold and bacteria from growing inside it, I had to take apart my parents dishwasher and deep clean it out since they were using it only as a drying rack.
Are you me?
That depends, is nobody else in your house capable of carrying a bag out to the bin or breaking down a box before it goes in the recycling?
Pretty much! Unless I prod to the point of starting a fight.
A for effort
Ah, your wife has discovered the system at our house- let the dishes pile up in the sink until someone can’t take it anymore.
- Thank your daughter for helping you with chores.
- Bring her to the mess and let her see it for herself.
- Kindly ask her why she thinks it turned out that way.
- Ask her what she thinks she can do avoid this kind of thing next time. (This is your opportunity to explain to her how to do things.)
- Kindly ask her to do it again, correctly. (Consider doing it together)
- Tell her she’s awesome for helping out, and that you really appreciate it.
Never be angry. Be patient and supportive. Don’t let frustration escalate.
For an adult? Nah. You can certainly kindly let them know that this isn’t really gonna work and explain why (and let them know you appreciate the effort), but the rest of it is way overkill and could easily be seen as patronizing, imo. They’re an adult, not a 13 year old.
Also, I interpreted the OP as finding it humorously absurd (which it is) rather than being frustrated or anything.
They’re an adult, not a 13 year old.
As the parent of a 13-year-old, that wouldn’t work either. They’d just pout and tell you that you think they can’t do anything right.
Not that getting angry helps, that makes it worse. Bargaining can work though. Promising bubble tea from a local cafe if they do it right goes a long way toward committing a teenager to education.
This method of bribery also works on supreme court judges.
As the parent of a 13-year-old, that wouldn’t work either. They’d just pout and tell you that you think they can’t do anything right.
What you described just now is known in teaching circles as a “fixed mindset”. A person decides they can’t do a thing because that’s just how things are. No two people are the same, but you might be able to foster more of a “growth mindset” by continuing that conversation…
“No, don’t sell yourself short. This is just something you’re not good at yet. Come on, let’s see how we can do this better together. It’ll only take a minute.”
I’m pretty sure it’s what’s known as being a teenager considering it’s the way most teenagers I’ve been around, including myself and my friends when we were teens, act.
Yeah, I was that way with many things as a teen. I still get that way as an adult. I don’t like cooking because I’m intimidated by the effort, and I often tell people I don’t cook well. It’s a fixed mindset. However, I have a student from Poland. She took a family pieroski recipe from her grandmother, translated it into English, and gave it to me because it’s her favorite dish, and she thought I should try it.
Obviously, I had to do it while my wife took pictures. And you know what? They turned out pretty good! In fact, I’d like to do it again, and I think next time I can do them even better.
I think the biggest challenge to fostering a growth mindset is overcoming reluctancy to just try. As a teacher, it’s something I try to listen for from my students.
You can certainly kindly let them know that this isn’t really gonna work and explain why (and let them know you appreciate the effort), but the rest of it is way overkill and could easily be seen as patronizing, imo.
If the goal is to get them to load it correctly, the way the top level poster describe is far more likely to be successful than this. Once someone feels attacked, and telling them ‘you’re doing it wrong’ is most likely to be received as an attack, they go into a defensive mode and will become mostly unreceptive to any further suggestions from you because they will be too busy trying to defend themselves.
You’re absolutely right. In the case of an adult, I’d just take more of a stance of, “look at this crazy thing that happened! lol! Omg I wonder what went wrong” and try to elicit her awareness that way. Then teach through soft suggestion, “maybe we shouldn’t XYZ, huh. Crazy.”
All this plus I think it’s important to say to first: be EXTREMELY careful if you feel the need to critique or criticize someone who is being helpful. Really think about if it’s worth it. If what they’re doing really isn’t helping anything then maybe it’s worth it!
BUT if you just think they could do it better or if they aren’t doing it how you would do it, then think again. You might end up simply discouraging a helpful attitude that would have figured things out on their own if you had just given them a bit of vague encouragement and time.
Right? Is this post wash, and still looking like this, or is this pre-wash?
I am neurodivergent, and really struggle with dishes. Touching other peoples leftover food absolutely disgusts me and it takes a lot of mental effort to do a load of dishes. No one in the house cleans their shit, they just dump it in the sink, and there is nasty stagnant water, left over whole-ass meals, chunks of food floating in gross, opaque liquids…
I almost threw up just from this description.
If I do a load of dishes, I have adopted the reality that some shit will have to be ran through twice. I’m not aiming for perfect, I’m just trying to get it done.
It’s definitely pre-wash. The pink tub would have collected water otherwise.
In any case, it’s overful. A simple “hey, thanks for doing that, but if we fill too much, it struggles. We can run it more often if we need to, but I really appreciate the effort!” Is probably sufficient to the cause,
overfull
You could definitely fit those things in there. There are blank spots.
The e bowls need to stand much more vertical so you can clean multiple at a time. If you stand them right - they don’t take much more room than plates.
It could also be sufficient to deflate her morale.
In my tight friend group, you can do that and it works. But I’ve learned through lots of communication failure that different people view criticism as meaning different things.
One person might take that as “oh hey some helpful feedback” and another might take that as “he thinks I’m worthless”.
Overall, we should strive to create people who can take the criticism for the help that it is. But that’s not where we’re at.
Hey just a semantic point: overcoming disgust to perform a gross task is emotional work, not mental work.
I wonder if there’s some word that’s the equivalent of courage, but for disgust instead of fear.
If what they’re doing really isn’t helping anything then maybe it’s worth it!
Maybe not even this. Because if she’s providing positive help elsewhere, that could disappear if she’s criticized on this thing.
Bring her in and tell her the things she did wrong, and how it means she doesn’t love you, and tell her to bring a chair with a cushion because it’s going to be a long talk.
That’s really nice thank you
OP admitting to not teaching their kid how to do dishes.
Not all kids take to their teachers. My parents are clean people. I’m a clean person. One of my sisters fought to never clean as she was taught. And she married someone just like her. So that house is bad sometimes.
You can learn things that your parents do without having them teach you.
Proactivity and common sense.
…who gets taught how to do dishes lol. You take a dish, and place it in the logical spot. It’s not advanced physics.
Children do.
You only have yourself to blame. You raised her, but clearly not better than this.
Not all of us are blessed with the smarts.
If I won’t be able to get my child to properly load a dishwasher by the time she’s 18, I’ll have failed as a parent.
She is the embodiment of your failures, and thus should be purged from your life so that you can become the ultimate sigma male.
But who taught her to load the dish washer?
Every time my dad has something to say about me I say that.
Who was responsible for raising me again? YOU WERE, you judgemental turd.
Nice! And when you grow up you can use the same excuse when beating up your wife. “Look at what YOU made me do!” Remember kids, it’s aways somebody else’s fault 👍
Funfact: domestic abuse is strongly tied to a previous history of abuse, or simply put, the perpetrators learned to do it while they were the victims, often from their parents.
And in a society where mental health access is practically nonexistent, there aren’t many ways for someone to break the cycle. I guess pretending it’s just a personal failure instead of a societal one is nice because it eliminates any burden on oneself.
From you dad! I learned it from you!
My daughter is not an adult, she’s a teenager. But it’s her job to put away the dishes. And no matter what I do, she can’t understand that, in the silverware drawer, THE BIG SPOONS GO IN THE BIG SPOON SLOT AND THE LITTLE SPOONS GO IN THE LITTLE SPOON SLOT!
And she thinks this is acceptable.
I understand the compulsion to disown.
My husband is 30 and can’t understand this. And not every pot is meant to be stored in one, large, precariously balanced stack. There’s a whole cabinet there. You can spread them out…
Meanwhile in our house, every pot needs to be precariously balanced in a stack in order to fit in the cupboard.
How precarious? This will blow your mind!
We have 3 pots/pans, A big one, a medium one, and a little one.
Now, and bear with me because I know this is an unorthodox way to stack things, but I think the little pan should go inside the medium pan, and those two should go inside the big pan. It’s crazy, but it just might work.
My partner has other ideas when he stacks them though.
“You aren’t really upset about the spoons.”
Nah, Peggy and me are tight.
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Many dishwashers will clean all of that fine, in my experience. The annoying part is the cups or bowls that may fill with water, just make sure they’re upside down.
As far as scraping or rinsing things…. Nah. Haven’t done it since I worked in food service and saw what dishwashers could do. Some stuff needs scraped, sure, but most will come off under the detergent and hot water.
People don’t know how to use dishwashers. What’s the point of using a dishwasher if you’re going to clean the dishes beforehand…
I see you’ve never spent extended periods of time with shitty dishwashers and hard water
I have hard water, there’s salt and a setting depending on hardness.
Generic detergent and rinse aid and I never have dirty dishes.
Oh come on you don’t need salt for hard water. Just raise the temperature a bit.
People just use salt on sidewalks because heating them isn’t feasible. But in the kitchen, it’s much easier to eliminate hard water but just warming things up.
Lemi Shine works great with my water drawn from limestone.
Growing up or broke a lot because of hard water, it would just slowly stop getting stuff off the dishes une you pre rinsed.
I think the situation is better now, my dishwasher surprises me with how effective it is.
At a certain point it stops being a dishwasher and works better as a drying rack. It’s the sorta shitty dishwashers that bother me most where I can still save time by partially processing the dishes but somehow like 1/5 of them come out worse than how they went in.
You are doing wrong, i was in same boat but then found: https://youtu.be/Ll6-eGDpimU?si=R6Hz82ZyL5sUNvws
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I’m open-source; check me out at GitHub.
That’s presumptuous. Some dishwashers are legit trash that wouldn’t even hold water if not for 20 years of getting the landlord white paint treatment. Probably some of the sorta working ones when I was younger could have done better with proper detergent habits but I know how to use them now and still run into it
If the dishwasher is broken, then yes obviously it won’t work.
It’s not necessarily washing them first, but I do get the “chunks” out. As the only person in the house who remembers that the food doesn’t just magically disappear, and eventually has to clean the filter, I prefer to do the cleaning before the food gets to the filter. Everyone else, on the other hand, seems perfectly content to put a half-full bowl of spaghetti in the dishwasher.
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Rinsing them well is the path of pain only if the water is too hot.
Galaxy brain right here
What’s the point of using a dishwasher if you’re going to clean the dishes beforehand…
Wiping off food debris =\= “cleaning the dishes”
I agree but a silicone scraper is plenty! Water need not be wasted.
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Except the aluminum pan in the back. Don’t put car aluminum in the washer. The soap hurts it.
Also don’t use pans to hold professional solvents while trying to scrub factory oil off of foot long pipes. That can really do some damage
All I remember is: don’t stick a fork in the toaster
Haven’t done it since I worked in food service and saw what dishwashers could do.
I’m a chef. If you were my dishwasher and you insisted on chucking food in, I’d insist on sacking you! They’re not designed to take food and you end up making more work for yourself cleaning it all out and getting it fixed and all that palaver.
Hey chef: if enough plates are coming back with enough food on them to break the dishwasher maybe it’s time to work on the recipes eh?
Very drole, but I find it hard to believe you don’t understand the concept of a lot of small problems adding up to a big one.
Okay well I worked fast food and now I’m a software engineer so I don’t see myself being fired by a chef any time soon
I chuck food into my own home dishwasher all the time and no problem, so maybe you just aren’t doing it right lol
Well at least you’re in a position where no one else has to clean up after you.
She’s trying, and she’s already got the concept of “concave side down” so you need to acknowledge that. Moving on, “water sprays from the center” and “similar shapes share space” are good concepts to add. She can’t exactly do “Don’t crowd” because there are just too many here. But she’s fully grasped “you can always rerun anything that doesn’t come clean the first time.”
concave side down
Yeah, she doesn’t seem to be applying that, I see sideways containers.
But you don’t see any that will pool water. Sideways is perfectly fine if they face generally toward the center, or in any direction the machine sprays, if it has side sprayers. What you want to avoid is catching the wash water so it pollutes the rinse water.
Her brain is capable of detecting error and correcting it without any intervention at all.
I’m in the gratitude-only camp here.
She’s already got the senses and reasoning capability to detect and correct the problem. Fastest way to improve her effort is to provide the thing she cannot provide herself: evidence that her efforts are appreciated.
Agreed, although if OP is specific about it, telling her they noticed she remembered to put the glasses on the top rack, etc. then they can do a little “I’ve found this makes it easier…” to show how a row of same-sized bowls on their sides can fit on the bottom rack. Because then you can Wolverine them all out at once and stack them on the shelf in one movement! Dishwasher Tetris can be a fun challenge.
I tried dishwasher tetris for a while but I got too good at it, and ended up losing all my flatware
Take out half the stuff and do two loads.
Then OP would come along, see a pile of dishes still in the sink, and post it on Lemmy. There’s probably only 3-4 items that are really going to be left with food residue here. She can put the others away and leave those in the machine for another go.
Believe it or not, jail.
These are the kinds of people who go on the Internet and claim that dishwashers don’t work very well.
When I was 23 I moved into a sharehouse that had a dishwasher, I lived there over a year before I saw it, it had a false cabinet so it blended in. I’d always just washed my dishes in the sink and I keep all my dishes, cutlery and pans separate in a tub in the pantry because I have allergies. I’d never used a dishwasher before.
I googled how to use a dishwasher because I didn’t want to be the 20 year old that can’t do basic chores. I read the user manual and looked for the filters and catchment drains. They were filthy so I cleaned them, then followed the stacking guide in the user manual and ran it with a full load of my housemates dishes.
I was very impressed with how clean they came out.
I mentioned it to a housemate who found it very amusing I’d only just discovered the dishwasher, he warned me that it was old and broken and not a very good dishwasher so the few housemates that use it were actually talking about splitting the cost of a replacement if I wanted to get in on it.
Why? When the dishwasher was working perfectly.
All 7 of my housemates flooded into the kitchen to assess the cleanliness of the dishes because no one believed me that the dishwasher worked.
Turns out in the 7 years the house had been used for student housing since the landlords son took over as head tenant, not a single one of the rotating cast of 8 housemates had ever cleaned the secondary catchment filter, and only rarely did someone remember to clean the main filter.
Turns out the dishwasher works great when you remove the months worth of old rotten corn building up in the filter, and drain off the 7 years of muck that’s blocking the greywater outlet flow.
My housemates will still say I stack the dishwasher like a sociopath, but I learned from the user manual so I don’t care, the dishes are clean.
She’s from group B. Group A loads correctly. Group B does this stuff on purpose so we in group A will just stop letting them screw this up and they no longer have to load it.
Not necessarily. Some of us are ADHD and we do things like put regular dish detergent in the dishwasher instead of the proper one and make a huge mess, or we load and wash normally but forget we ever did that so the clean dishes just sit in there long enough until they probably need to be rewashed.
There’s also group C which I was part of, you just say that you just pooped or scratch your butt whenever they ask you to load/unload and they’ll immediately offer to do that for you instead.
You would get a “wash your hands” from me.
And then group c proceeds to grab the first dish with some flippant saying about it being no big deal. It’s not just weaponized incompetence or avoiding any help at that point, it’s being an asshole. Living with others that don’t have cooperation as a goal is a nightmare.
No problem the chemicals and heat will fix that
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You clearly failed as a parent.
Am I married to your daughter?
I have created a monster.
The woman I married stuffed the dishwasher like that. Just tossed stuff in, unrinsed. Wherever it would fit and still allow the drawers to close.
I had to clean out the filter twice in one month and asked her to rinse. Bowls would turn over and fill with nasty water, so I asked her to stack them in such a way so they wouldn’t.
The woman I’m married to now has a fucking system. I don’t fully know it and I dare not do it wrong. Meal prep bowls go on top, lids, on the bottom. Forks and spoons have a very specific place and so help you God if you put the sauce pan in the wrong orientation.
Fuckin hell I love that woman
Pre rinsing actually makes the dishwasher do a worse job, a big part of the dishwasher detergent is to latch on to dirt and grime so when the water sprayer comes it can more easily clean it off
If you prerinse there’s a lot less surface area for the detergent to do it’s job. You’re supposed to clean the filter about once a month, so twice isn’t too unusual.
HOWEVER that being said
Just tossed stuff in,
unrinsed. Wherever it would fit and still allow the drawers to close.That’s the unforgivable part
I’m mostly concerned with the large particles of food that couldn’t make it through the filter and just clogged it up. Dishes aren’t going in even remotely clean.
Why would you put clean dishes in the dishwasher?
Why does the guy at the automatic car wash hit my car with a pressurized hose before entering?
Beacuse they are wasting water? That doesn’t happen where I live.
Ah, if they’re large enough to be scrapeable, like beans or pasta, then absolutely scrape into the trashcan/garbage disposal.
But rinsing just takes away too much, I’ve made one exception though and that’s with spaghetti, idk what it is maybe the combination of tomato sauce and pasta but if I don’t rinse in that situation everything is just nasty after the cycle
Or am I?
My wife does this, and I’m just like, “…wtf is your problem?”
This honestly looks fine. (Assuming this is before the dishwasher has run). There’s not like solid chunks of food or anything just the actual stuff that you own a dishwasher to wash off for you so you don’t have to. The configuration of the dishes is haphazard and chaotic but if you want to fit a lot of dishes it usually ends up that way. The cup and cup like vessels not being upside down is a problem but for the most part things are upside down or on their side as they should be. I want the dishwasher to wash dishes for me not the other way around. If you get the occasional dish after a cycle that hasn’t completely cleaned you have to wash it yourself, which sucks, but that doesn’t always happen so there’s a reasonable chance you won’t have to, and when it does happen, it’s still way cleaner than it was so you’re talking a cursory fix up of very few dishes. I’d take that over rinsing each and every one every time or having to hand wash half the load when there’s a lot of dishes in service of a neater stacking configuration that’s optimal but less space efficient.
The problem is that ceramic and glass dishes often chip if they are in contact with each other in the dishwasher.
Do you have a dishwasher or a rock tumbler at home?
Yes.
Ahh yes, the inclusive or. We meet again!
You can tell the people who use plastic dishware in this post.
Animals.
You lost me, can you provide some context?
Plastic dishware doesn’t break on impact with like.
Those who say this is fine seem to not be taking into account the fact of brittle materials touching like here.
Indicating they aren’t aware of the problem, indicating they don’t have brittle dishes.
Or, and this is a stretch but stay with me, their glass/ceramic dishes don’t randomly chip in the dishwasher.
Okay. Stay with me here, cause I guess we’re being contemptuous now.
You asked for context. I provided it.
I was naive to trust you were being genuine. Won’t happen again.
This is why I own plastic and metal dishes. That and I have a small child. Stitches even one time from a dropped plate cost me more than replacing all of my dishes.
When my colleagues load the dishes haphazardly at work, I find I can fit several more cups, plates, and bowls by reorganizing them neatly.
I guess I should say “appears haphazard” as I don’t know if it really has been stacked with reckless abandon or of it’s a kind of organised chaos as the two tend to look very similar. When your colleagues stack the dishwasher at work, they’re adding to the load a little at a time until there’s literally no room and someone has to run it. In such an instance there’s no particular method to their madness other than fitting their one plate or one cup that they’re personally trying to deal with.
When you’re stacking a full load start to finish you’re stacking with the aim of fitting everything you have from a large load of dishes of which really don’t want to have any left out. In doing so, I at least, find that while one starts with some attempt at being organized, you’ll eventually realise that if you just slightly lift this concave object slightly up so it’s still upside down but not completely, you can squeeze this one awkward shaped small object in next to it, and this large flat but not very deep baking dish for which there is now no room on the bottom shelf will juuust fit if I kind of wedge diagonally a little and over the top some cups and small objects which hopefully will be small enough that some water can get between them and spray up and clean the baking dish. In the end it it can look like you put no thought in to it all but you know that you tesselated a 3d puzzle quite nimbly to squash the maximum possible number of dishes in there and then more often than not, despite all the fretting that certain types have over correct stacking, it ends up coming out much the same as when it’s a lightly stacked load with optimal spacing. It definitely sometimes doesn’t work out that way, but even then, in the absolute worst case scenarios where several dishes, not just one or two, didn’t get all the way clean, you need only then unstack those that did clean fully and the remainders are already stacked ready for another cycle right away or to wait til later to make a fuller but hopefully not as full load.
