I don’t mean this condescendingly, so apologies if it hits that way, but: Have you ever worked hard for something and accomplished what you worked hard towards?
If so, what felt better, “winning” or the process of elevating yourself?
For example when I was 15 my team won a baseball championship. Tbh the final games were well fought. We swept the post season. I reflect very positively on that post season. I don’t reflect much on the season itself. But more than the win, I reflect on being on a losing team for all of little league. I went from worst in the league to best in the league. Nothing to show for it (little league). On to the bigger league. Back to being worst in the league. Slowly my team grew, year 3 we dominated. I reflect on 5 years of failure, hours spent in batting cages, being the best (in little league) and still failing, not that final season, sure that final post season a bit, but not that final strikeout that clinched the league.
(Also to clarify this “best in little league” shit… My dad kept stats and we still talk about it. I batted .928, slugging over 2000%, won the home run derby, hit the only home run in the all star game where I went 2 for 2 and struck out all 6 batters I faced… I belonged in our little leagues major division and I was in the minors; I didn’t “make it”, so instead dominated the minors. It was kinda silly but not enough for a championship.)
In fact, if it weren’t for all that failure, I’d barely reflect on it. I’m sure we had teammates who were in their first year of the big leagues, barely recall anything of that experience. It meant more because I had been tempered in failure.
As another example, I have been playing guitar for 30 years. When I was in college people would say “wow you’re so gifted.” And it would legitimately piss me off. Like, mother fucker no I am not “gifted”, I spent my life working on this. Call it talent, call it skill. It’s not a gift. There’s no satisfaction in my skill pleasing someone where I feel my hard work is actively minimized or reduced to something I didn’t fight for.
In both of these, for me, I am valuing the process. Not the outcome.
To over share, my dad was in recent years inducted to a sports hall of fame. He’s old as fuck. Retired for over a decade. Do you think he values that award, or the process that got him that award? I don’t need to ask him. Guy hates presents. Didn’t even post the photos of his induction to his Facebook. Did post pictures of a rare bird on his feeder recently.
I know this.
I was wondering how to effectively separate my self-worth from the “Achievements”.
I want it to be the process, but I can’t seem to make it the process.
I don’t mean this condescendingly, so apologies if it hits that way, but: Have you ever worked hard for something and accomplished what you worked hard towards?
If so, what felt better, “winning” or the process of elevating yourself?
For example when I was 15 my team won a baseball championship. Tbh the final games were well fought. We swept the post season. I reflect very positively on that post season. I don’t reflect much on the season itself. But more than the win, I reflect on being on a losing team for all of little league. I went from worst in the league to best in the league. Nothing to show for it (little league). On to the bigger league. Back to being worst in the league. Slowly my team grew, year 3 we dominated. I reflect on 5 years of failure, hours spent in batting cages, being the best (in little league) and still failing, not that final season, sure that final post season a bit, but not that final strikeout that clinched the league.
(Also to clarify this “best in little league” shit… My dad kept stats and we still talk about it. I batted .928, slugging over 2000%, won the home run derby, hit the only home run in the all star game where I went 2 for 2 and struck out all 6 batters I faced… I belonged in our little leagues major division and I was in the minors; I didn’t “make it”, so instead dominated the minors. It was kinda silly but not enough for a championship.)
In fact, if it weren’t for all that failure, I’d barely reflect on it. I’m sure we had teammates who were in their first year of the big leagues, barely recall anything of that experience. It meant more because I had been tempered in failure.
As another example, I have been playing guitar for 30 years. When I was in college people would say “wow you’re so gifted.” And it would legitimately piss me off. Like, mother fucker no I am not “gifted”, I spent my life working on this. Call it talent, call it skill. It’s not a gift. There’s no satisfaction in my skill pleasing someone where I feel my hard work is actively minimized or reduced to something I didn’t fight for.
In both of these, for me, I am valuing the process. Not the outcome.
To over share, my dad was in recent years inducted to a sports hall of fame. He’s old as fuck. Retired for over a decade. Do you think he values that award, or the process that got him that award? I don’t need to ask him. Guy hates presents. Didn’t even post the photos of his induction to his Facebook. Did post pictures of a rare bird on his feeder recently.