• tetris11@lemmy.mlEnglish
    50·
    4 days ago

    We hunted the samples at nightfall and subjected them to relentless, unforgiving scrutiny.

  • Aeao@lemmy.worldEnglish
    43·
    4 days ago

    Festive voice

    It’s begining to look a lot like samples

    Results on every form.

  • S_H_K@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
    38·
    4 days ago
    >be me.
>collect samples.
>do pro testing in the samples.
>get shit results.

    Life of a poop scientist

  • VivianRixia@piefed.socialEnglish
    22·
    4 days ago

    Farnsworth Voice:
    Good news everyone! We have a delivery of Samples to Test 14, the testing planet. A hazardous world of unregulated science and mad experiments where you will surely be killed. Well, off you go.

    • Buddahriffic@lemmy.worldEnglish
      11·
      4 days ago

      Hermes voice:

      If you’ll refer to form S-43.0 through 681, you will see that each sample was taken, registered, and filed. Scientists will then be able to request access to each sample using forms S-48 and B-2250 and can then perform analysis if they also provide forms A-6654.2 and D-12.8, though D-12.8 is only required if the analysis is destructive. If the analysis results in the destruction of the entire sample, you’ll also need to file a D-12.4 along with an S-40 request for a replacement sample, which might also require an E-36 expedition request.

  • RiceMunk@sopuli.xyzEnglish
    21·
    4 days ago

    In a university there was a lab. And in this lab there lived a postdoc. One day in the third month of their the postdoc heard a rap on their door. It was the professor! They said the postdoc would soon be approached by 12 undergrads, and…

    <300 pages of worldbuilding later>

    “You must take the samples! And throw them into the synchrotron! I am too old and burnt out to do it!” pleaded the old postdoc to the phd student.

    <500 pages of more worldbuilding>

    “I did the testing, but the results are not meant for me. I must now travel to the West, into the Private Sector.” said the PhD at their graduation party.

    • Lv_InSaNe_vL@lemmy.worldEnglish
      9·
      4 days ago

      Wait where is the completely unnecessary side plot about the undergrads partying with another professor??

    • tetris11@lemmy.mlEnglish
      6·
      4 days ago

      “I did the testing, but the results are not meant for me. I must now travel to the West, into the Private Sector.” said the PhD at their graduation party.

      A desolate wasteground of nothingness washed over the land, leaving nothing but apathy and desolation in its wake. The postdoc picked up a fallen fence post and sharpened it into spear. “These are dark times” they whispered, and set off back up the mountain, picking up the charred remains of the bridge to their former lab and pulling on the thin whisps of job strings dangled carelessly at random from the sky, sometimes doing nothing other than pulling the stormy sky down further to the ground.

    • luciferofastora@feddit.orgEnglish
      4·
      3 days ago

      I get why it’s done from a narrative point of view, but some obnoxious pedantic voice in my head never stops wondering why people would write down obscure lore notes in the middle of a disaster or when they’re about to die. It makes sense for some organisation’s agents to document their discoveries and leave (incremental) reports on-site in case they don’t make it back for a full report, but some random raider in FO4 noting down how pissed he is with his boss?

      Of course, I’m a sucker for lore, so I’ll take it, particularly when it’s in audio log form during exploration sections so I can keep exploring and listen instead of stopping to read.

  • Endymion_Mallorn@kbin.melroy.org
    16·
    4 days ago

    Now I want everything science related written in conspiracy voice. Then again, with the current US government, that’s how our leaders read them anyway.

    • Aeao@lemmy.worldEnglish
      1·
      21 hours ago

      Old and already answered but I gotta try my hand at it.

      We got samples, they said it couldn’t be done but we did it. And everybody i got to say… These samples … No one’s ever seen samples like this. Of you should’ve heard what people were saying they told me (mocking voice) “we can’t get the samples we have to wait” I walked in on day one and got those samples. They said it couldn’t be done, I got samples, I got the better samples they didn’t even want to tell us about but I got em. When I went in they were begging to give me these samples. I said “no. I want the better samples” and we got em.

      And the forms. Oh you won’t believe the forms let me tell you about the forms. Barak Hussain Obama… I don’t know if you’ve heard of this guy… He’s scared now, all the democrats are because they’ve been having their friends at the fake news tell you they couldn’t get the forms.

      I got the forms, I got the samples and now they’re scared. They are scared because they know I got the best forms and the best samples. They said it couldn’t be done. Ive already made some calls and worked out deals to get 200 forms done. Never been done before, they couldn’t believe it.

      Do you know how many forms sleepy Joe got filled out. You wouldn’t believe it 5 maybe 10 maybe who knows. Where are these forms and… AND… they were Terrible forms. The worst… I couldn’t believe it. I asked him “where’s the forms why aren’t we getting the forms”. Day one I got 200 forms some say it’s more, it could be more, I don’t know, probably more. 200 forms can you believe that. The best forms and that’s why they’re scared now. We’ve got more forms, better forms, than probably anyone else in the world. They can’t believe our forms. Their saying “wow look at those forms” they wish they had these forms they can’t believe it… And we’re going to keep going… No one’s ever seen it. never been done before.

    • irelephant [he/him]🍭@lemm.eeOPEnglish
      9·
      4 days ago

      Our very great, very excellent team collected samples, and might I add these are some of the greatest samples we have ever seen! I went to the russian scientists and they said “mr. trump we have never seen samples these great” such great samples indeed.