I like the imagery of a murmur coiled like a frail animal on the edge of something.
Nice one, me likey! A tad dark and hopeless, but most good art masquerades suffering. Anyhow: thanks for sharing!
I’m just starting with writing, and it feels a bit cluttered. So any pointers would be appreciated!!! Thank you
Graf vision here. Good rhythm, the structure is musical. Succinct and quite evocative. I like it.
I would only question if you meant deliberate? And if you would like to go with adrifts or adrift?
Got no pointers to offer. I’m just a connoisseur of art, no judge. But cluttered? Nah, I wouldn’t say so.
But I, personally, wouldn’t tweak much anyway. The more you fiddle around, the more the original feeling you wanted to convey might thin out or even vanish.
