A Luther Burbank High School freshman was surprised to read his full name included on a biology final. Not only that, but he was being ridiculed. “In high school, there are individuals who are cross-eyed like (the name of a fellow student) and (the name of the student previously mentioned), which is a dominant trait. We call those individuals ‘weirdoes’. So, if you crossed two weirdoes (the two students named again), that are heterozygous for being cross-eyed, what is the offspring that would result?” Many students in the class were targeted by first and last name on the exam. Teacher Alex Nguyen chose to describe these students by their ethnicities and physical features, and then paired them up, posing questions about what traits a theoretical child of these two students would have. On one question, the teacher wrote a disclaimer, saying “in no way do I promote students being sexually active,” but the student’s parents and other teachers at the school said that the implication of any sexual relationship between students is inappropriate.
"In some roles, there are some individuals who are best known as ‘dumbfucks’, like (teachers name) and (teachers mother) for not swallowing (teachers name). We can also call these individuals by the proper scientific term, ‘unfortunately alive’. In this totally-hypothetical situation, how long would it take (teachers name) to realize the ever-reducing brake pressure of their pedal, and inevitably, that their brake lines have been cut? Assuming their typical trip home, at what speed would they be traveling when they came to this realization? Lastly, what would be the most likely end result of these series of events, taking into account the afternoon rush hour traffic at [question part two] speeds, in their poor-condition 1991 Toyota Tercel?
Bonus credit (10 points): Keeping in mind that (teachers name) is a horrible person, estimate how many individuals might attend their funeral, and how many would be present just to confirm the body?"
Send that shit right back, with a warning.