Funny you should say that because my therapist suggested maybe I get tested for neurodivergence. That maybe something like that is why they have difficulty helping me.

Some questions for you:

1. What made you start thinking of that for yourself? What is it that you noticed within you?

2. How would being diagnosed as on the spectrum help your treatment? I’m not trying to be snarky, I’m legitimately asking in earnest. It’s not like there’s a pill for autism or anything after all!

See the thing is that I really don’t at all fit autistic traits.

I have absolutely zero sensory sensitivity (unless very very occasionally being overwhelmed with crowds counts…but not super often).

I am generally a dispassionate person without any real interests. Only thing is I can obsess over negative things, getting the right “formula” for social interactions at work, and right now I obsess over mental health things lol. I have been incessantly chatting with multiple AI models for extended periods of time each day for the past idk how many months now lol. But I don’t know that I did that prior. Most of my obsessions are social anxiety related, not autism special interests.

I am very good at eye contact when I am comfortable. I only have difficulties when I am upset or very socially anxious, which is how neurotypicals are too. I used to have a hard time as a child when my social anxiety was much more severe.

I am very very good at reading body language, facial expressions, etc. It is second nature to me and does not require any extra mental effort or focus. I am not at all drained by it and am instead energized by most social interactions (unless I am in places where my social anxiety is turned on)! As a pre teen and teen, I actually did struggle a LOT with learning and understanding nonverbal social cues. But I think that was being a slow learner combined with severe social anxiety. I don’t at all see it as masking because it’s unconscious now and not draining.

I don’t stim. Many people fidget when bored or focused and I do stuff like that too, but not as a self soothing thing like that. For example I fidget at work but not elsewhere. I don’t have to consciously “surpress” it. I just flat out don’t need to do it anywhere else.

Sorry for being so long winded lol. I guess that’s just how I post on Lemmy.

Not really. Idk what I would really have to journal about. My life is pretty mundane. My therapist had me filling out an emotion log for a while but tbh I stopped doing it. I could only log stuff certain times a day so I ended up reflecting more than noticing in the moment. Now when I feel something negative, I don’t wait until the end of the day to reflect and log, but I try to do it when I notice it come up.

I mega failed a couple of weeks ago. Had an incredibly sustained stressful week where all of my skills failed to soothe me. I tried to use them repeatedly and repeatedly and tried riding the waves again and again. It culminated in a very heightened, distressed state in the end where I could not ride the last wave. I forgot all of my skills and didn’t use TIPP and could not calm down without saying some things that scared a lot of people. I haven’t been that bad in many months, but I also hadn’t had that many sustained stressors/triggers in a long while either.

Every time I make a couple of steps forward, intake 17 steps back.

Ah yeah no I don’t have anyone to be a trip sitter or anything.

Thing is I tried an SSRI. I honestly had really wished for the “emotional blunting” side effect that people complain about. My issue has always been intense emotions. I was hoping for something to turn down the volume dial but it didn’t lol!!!

Well, like I said…I chose DBT specifically because it is supposed to be the gold standard for emotional dysregulation lol. I learned last year that it’s my core issue! But I guess it’s trauma/chronic invalidation based (granted that’s how you have the issue in the first place). CBT I find kind of hard to apply and invalidating…it’s like my whole life I have always felt that my thoughts and feelings are wrong. It’s always been hard because I am never able to trust myself. The cognitive distortions don’t really help me much.

DBT seems a lot more gentle in questioning your thoughts instead of just giving you a long list of how you’re wrong. Like in one chapter, my book states to compare your level of anxiety to what is actually happening. Are you in real danger? If yes, act. If no, that’s ok that you’re anxious. Let yourself feel anxious in the moment, but try to use calming techniques to help. I find it harder to apply for anger and guilt, but it’s a start.

Thank you. I guess I hate that it’s almost like I’m back in school but the reward isn’t really improvements or getting a good grade lmao!!

I think I need to try to celebrate little wins more. I have celebrated these before, but it feels like my wins are so few and far between anyway lol.

It’s funny that more than one comment has mentioned this now lol. I can’t say I’m overly interested in figuring out how to obtain that (considering I’m not keen on figuring out illegal means) or doing that on my own. I feel like I’m more likely than some to have a bad trip. I don’t have anyone to be a trip sitter. I don’t know that something like that would really be permanently life changing for me.

Funny you should mention EMDR. I have heard of it, but to be honest it had always sounded a bit like quackery to me lol. The DBT book I have actually referenced EMDR as one of the exercises! They mentioned that it is unknown whether or not the eye movements themselves actually help with the trauma, but rather just that the therapy and exercises as a whole is what seems to help people.

It’s really hard for me to figure out wtf kind of therapy will work best. There are many more modalities that I had heard of when I started this journey lol. EMDR, IFS, etc. Most recently I have heard of MBT. I should investigate more into all of these. MBT sounds interesting to me, as it seems to be a newer treatment for emotional dysregulation. Of course this means that most therapists are not going to be familiar with it enough to use it.

DBT is what I’ve been trying to use so far, but it’s been exhausting trying so hard every day for months and months only for the pain to not begin to be touched. I started this journey to try to help with my intense and distressing negative emotions. And I eventually found that DBT was supposed to be the “best” treatment for emotional dysregulation.

Yeah I have heard of both emotional flooding and an overactive amygdala, but not necessarily amygdala hijacking. From the things I ever read, I’m guessing that my amygdala is for some reason wayyyy hypersensitive compared to most people. I was sensitive even as a child. It’s frustrating because even though these techniques might help to calm with a behavioral response, it doesn’t seem to help with the emotional side.

I wish there was a therapy techniques or medication that could help my amygdala chill the fuck out lmao.

Yeah, you know what? I somehow managed to do consistent cardio for 1.5 years. Consistent as in every other or every third day, building up my cardio slowly from 20 minutes all the way to 1.5 hours. Literally never helped my mental health.

An interesting thing I noticed is that it would magnify my current emotion. If I was angry, it would make me angrier. If I was sad, it would make me sadder. If I was neutral, it would either do nothing or occasionally make me slightly more happy. If I was already happy, it would make me elated.

Of course, if you’re struggling with mental health to begin with, you can see how it would be counterproductive to me. Struggling with mental health means that I generally wasn’t often in the happy camp to begin with.

I never really got the benefits people claimed. People always said I was doing it wrong. You’re just not running fast enough. You’re just not running far enough. So I did. I tried harder and harder. I was eventually consistently running 7-8 miles consistently, and having met 10 miles a couple of times as my farthest distance. I was consistent.

I stopped late last year. I want to get back into it soon because it’s great for your heart, not because it ever helped my mental health.

It just doesn’t work for me, I guess. I am very glad that it does work for some people. Everyone out there should give it a go…if not for your mental health but your physical health.

But everyone seems to claim it as a one size fits all. It isn’t.

Hell yeah, fam.

You know what, it’s super dumb, but I bought myself some little bracelets with motivational messages on the inside. They are hidden on the inside so no one else has to see them, and it’s silly but I feel like it helps me to look at them and remember what the message is.

Also another dumb thing, but I got a particular tattoo that means something to me. I got it in a visible location so I can sometimes remember to look at it and draw strength from it.

I don’t understand why you think I’m not continuing to put the work in? I’ve just been so exhausted. I would just like some of this stuff to even remotely help me a little bit.

Idk why people on the internet like to accuse me of not doing what my providers are telling me lol. They are the ones dictating my meds, not me!

Lexapro I was on for several months before being discontinued. Lamictal I have been on since around August. My current dose of Lamictal I have been on since November. Like you, I notice literally zero effect, neither positive nor negative lol (besides itchiness when first titrating). She had me on a low dose of Luvox for only one month. It was sub therapeutic and I was actually optimistic for her to increase it.

But instead I guess because of an event I told her, she immediately discontinued that and switched to Seroquel. I kind of regret telling her, but people always tell me I have to be honest with my providers. I was disheartened, but I did agree to try it. I always agree to try these things.

My med list is longer, but I never bothered to list my PRN meds. I have never found them overly helpful because I can’t always predict triggers and they take too long to kick in if I’m actively freaking out. Have tried hydroxyzine, propranolol, and now clonidine as needed. So far it seems like clonidine has been occasionally mildly useful, but otherwise that’s about it. I don’t have issues with sleep or nightmares, so they aren’t given to me for that purpose.

I am trying to be patient, but it’s hard because I feel like I have made zero progress despite being on this journey for so long.

People also always tell me to get a different provider. I do that too concurrently without dumping my current providers just to see if anyone else could possibly be more helpful. But I always maintain my old providers because they know me and my history and I also am trying to not just seem like I always start and stop and that I am never trying to get anywhere.

My psychiatric NP actually literally told me the other day that she feels bad that she and my therapist are struggling to help me. It’s not that I am being difficult.

Anyway, sorry for the wall. I’m just endlessly frustrated but endlessly trying!

That’s for sure. Sometimes I remember and sometimes I don’t lol. I am wondering how long tho because this is painful af.

Yeah my therapist emphasized stop as well. There are like a zillion DBT skills so maybe instead of being overwhelmed by the volume of them, I should pick out a few key ones and latch onto them ig.

I mean that’s not a particularly helpful statement. I just feel lost and don’t know how to find a therapist that can actually help me. I’ve spent so much time and money and effort on this stuff. :(

Wow!! It’s really good to hear a success story! What things have helped you the most? Have any medications helped you at all? I know borderline is refractory to meds, but a lot of times I really just wish I had something that could even help tone things down slightly to be more productive with the therapy techniques.

What do you mean by that? I live alone. Most of my friends are online. There is one irl person who has help me a lot two of the times that I was in a huge crisis, but we aren’t close people who hang out. She has been amazing to me but I can’t always be calling her in the middle of the night lol.

That said, that is NOT a long med list and you seem unclear on what the medications are for vs what your symptoms are. None of those medications are for ADHD, and those periodic increases in emotional sensitivity are basically textbook bipolar. Honestly I’m thinking you may need to communicate better with your doctors or find ones that are better communicators if you can.

My providers seem to be more keen on treating symptoms (ex: rn quetiapine for dramatic mood shifts, Lexapro was for depressive spells and anxiety, etc.). I was also briefly on Luvox and didn’t mention it because it was really short and a low dose. She was titrating me up on it recently but then abruptly switched me to Seroquel after I told her about my most recent extreme reaction.

I am not being treated for ADHD because I don’t have ADHD. They one and only “symptom” I have of ADHD is sensitivity to rejection. I know it’s popular nowadays for people to claim that you must have ADHD if you have that. But in reality, there are a lot of conditions that involve rejection sensitivity. It’s not only ADHD. For me, the rejection sensitivity stems from social anxiety and possibly borderline personality disorder on top of it.

I also do not have bipolar disorder. I have been screened for it numerous times. I need to clarify that my “episodes” have a significantly shorter duration than what is required for bipolar disorder. My episodes are also generally trigger based and do NOT involve sleep disturbances. These things point a lot more towards borderline personality disorder.

I do know borderline personality disorder is refractory to most meds, but I feel like I really really need something in order to help to better use the skills.

Yeah, I’ve been told by others in life that I need to seek other providers, but it just gets so exhausting and expensive doing that. There is a new person I was going to call today I guess.

I’ll definitely keep trying, keeping all of your guys’ thoughts in mind. But it’s definitely not as simple as people like to make it sound. I am trying.

Funny you should mention borderline personality disorder. I’ve thought for a while now that I’ve met a ton of the traits. It’s supposed to be responsive to therapy, particularly DBT, which is why I was interested in seeking it out. My current therapist only uses general DBT concepts which is frustrating but I have a comprehensive DBT skills book that I have been working through to supplement. While the skills seem to occasionally help with mild issues/triggers, unfortunately they don’t seem to begin to touch the pain of larger ones.

Thing is I feel like most therapists I’ve seen are like that. They just sort of meander and let me meander and talk. They try to give some input after. I mean like, at the end of the day, I definitely appreciate feeling validated, but at the same time it is not really touching my issues.

I’m tired honestly lol, but curious. How is this different than all the other shit out there? What is it?

Yes, I definitely advocate for trying out many of the things the users in this comment section speak of. But on top of that, you sound like the kind of person that medications might be able to help with. If you have thoughts always racing and non stop, I wonder if you could benefit from ADHD or anxiety medication. Combining both meds and these techniques might really help a lot for you to quiet your mind. Worth a shot if you can get there.