I’m a 27 year old single mom with a 12 year old son (Yes I was 15 when I had him) and I got out of a physically/sexually abusive relationship with my son’s biological father a few years ago. I haven’t had any serious relationships since then, but recently I’ve been feeling kind of lonely and exhausted since I work two jobs and take care of my son. I was planning on getting back into dating, so I was wondering if I could get a man’s perspective on how to navigate dating as a single mom since most men aren’t willing to take on my “baggage” (Hate this term). I’ve been hit on quite a few times by men my age in public places when i’m alone on the street or at the gym, but when I tell them I have a kid they seem to be immediately disinterested. (Not necessarily blaming them)
I’m looking for a long term partner who is obviously very willing to take on the task of being a father. Outside of great personal qualities, I’d like someone who can help me financially just enough so I can quit one of my jobs and provide a great life for my son. Sexual compatibility would be a bonus as well lol. I definitely want to make sure they are the one before I bring them home to my son, and I also want to make sure my son is comfortable around them as well. Dunno if I’m asking for too much? I would love some advice from a man’s perspective because it feels like there’s so much to consider. How early do I tell someone about my kid? If they are fine with a kid, are they willing to support me somewhat financially? What if my son doesn’t like them? It feels like I’m asking for so much out of a man that’s already impossible to find.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated :)
Older guy here, no kids, rarely dated at all but married now.
Always be up front about your kid. Not first thing, but I’d say during the first date or two.
A twelve year old is a bit easier for most men to accept, I think, as there’s less years of raising them and more of a developed person to get to know.
Any man you’re in a committed relationship with should be willing to help you out - that’s what committed means. So one that refuses is probably not the guy for you.
Lastly, you may not meet the one for a while, but letting them in to see how well they mesh with your son might help you figure that out.
Its not too much to ask for at all. It’ll be a balancing act, redefining your life (and to a large extent, your son’s) and letting someone in again.
I’m confident that you’ll find someone, and I hope you aren’t hurt in the process of finding him.