About a little over year ago after not being particularly active for a number of years, I challenged myself to pick up running. I went from not even being able to run 5 minutes to now regularly being able to run 8 miles…with my longest ever run being 11 miles.

Somehow, I managed to be relatively consistent for a full year in doing this. I don’t run every day, but I generally try to run 3 times per week.

Honestly, I picked up running because I was going through a challenging time. Literally everyone and their mother…every mental health professional…every internet rando…says that exercise improves mental health.

Well it hasn’t for me. All running does is make me tired. I don’t get a “runner’s high”. It doesn’t clear my head of negative thoughts. I don’t get any of that shit.

If I am in a bad mood before the run, the run enhances the low mood. If I am a neutral mood before the run, my mood stays neutral. If I am in an unusually good mood before the run (uncommon), the run enhances my good mood. Running itself (and all forms of exercise really) is actually somewhat unpleasant to me.

Occasionally I’ve read people on the internet saying that you don’t get mood improvements until you’ve run farther. Well I’ve progressively run farther and farther and I’ve been doing this for longer than a whole ass year and not seen any discernible difference.

So what the hell am I doing wrong? I don’t understand.