I’m 30, transfem, and to be quite honest, I feel my will to live slowly slipping away. I’m trying to find the willpower to finish my PhD thesis and to get into a better living situation after that, but I find myself frozen and wanting to curl up into a tiny ball of nothingness instead. And there are LOTS of reasons for that, mostly centered around trauma, guilt, and shame.
I don’t think I can fit everything I need to say in a succinct post, so if it isn’t against the rules, would any of you fellow girlies be willing to shoot me a DM and give some advice? I don’t think I can really explain without having a back-and-forth conversation… thanks in advance. 🏳️⚧️💜
Have you ever seen a professional marathon runner reach the finish line first and then start jumping with joy? You may see some celebration, but mostly exhaustion.
It’s the same with mental effort. If you’ve been working yourself to exhaustion, it’s really hard to feel anything positive. A short rest just isn’t enough to fix chronic exhaustion.
I was always told I was lazy when growing up. It took more than 10 years for me to realise that I was never lazy. I was hitting my limit, then working myself to exhaustion just trying to keep up with everyone else. I’ve had to learn to slow down and accept that there are some things I can’t do (without consequences). Even now I find myself occasionally making the wrong decision because of past trauma and overworking myself before I realise and have to stop myself.
Even if this advice doesn’t work for you, there is still hope. My heart goes out to you in this tough time.
You are a valid person. What you do does not define your worth. You are enough.