Aubrey Plaza. She’s way hotter than me (that’s kinda the point), and not half Japanese (will make the racist parts confusing and/or hilarious) but she could definitely pull off my resting bitch face and general disdain for everything.
Ed Sheeran. Specifically because he’s not an actor and would stumble through the movie just like I stumbled through life. All ginger, no plan.
All Ginger No Plan - that’s an amazing life motto. ;)
Sounds like the name of a stand up comedy special.
Sounds like an orange cat
Cannot stand the guy. Pretends to be humble as fuck. Shoots videos of himself being humble as fuck. Turns up in movies to unnecessarily defocus the scene.
Yeah the guy can sing and has a comfortable body, so does my dog.
Danny Devito.
…I’m a woman.
I refer to him as Daddy DeVito
… I’m a dude.
I’m pretty tall, so the logical choice would be Tom Cruise on 12 inch heels.
Three Tom Cruises in a trenchcoat
Brad Pitt.
Bit of a downgrade but I can live with it.
Gary Oldman, dude’s a chameleon. I’m sure he could find a way to play a mid 30s SE Asian dude
On the other hand, if you had Will Ferrel play you, but he and everyone is completely unaware that he is SE asian.
I’d take him as a second choice if I couldn’t get Gary. To muddy the waters a bit I’d try to get Ken Watanabe and Shohreh Aghdashloo to play my parents.
I want my movie to be cast entirely with Muppets and Tim Walz.
Best answer
Shit. I didn’t think this through well enough. Can I change my answer to yours?
Christopher Walken, Jeff Goldblum, Willem Dafoe, and Gary Oldman. All of them.
Everywhere, all at once.
So sorta like the imaginarium of Dr. parnissius? ( its called something along those lines lol)
David Cross and Bob Odenkirk, with a made-up have surgery scene mid-film to explain the change.
They’re both male so I’m assuming you were very ugly and bald at some point but now not quite as ugly and your hairline is …un-receding?
Jk
I’m actually a beautiful woman. They will both have to agree to substantial surgeries before they agree to play me.
I can see cross going for that
The spirit of the 90s lives on
Nicolas Cage
Looks nothing like, but it would be funny as hell and in order to get him to sign up, they would have to make it somehow trippy and surreal.
Zac Efron.
The girl I was crushing on in high school crushed on him really hard as he appeared in High School Musical. I spent wayyyy too much of my youth trying to emulate Zac Efron as a result. Eventually, that whole style just kinda became my whole style. Seems like a good fit.
Karl Pilkington. he would do a great job of complaining about every minor inconvenience I’ve dealt with
John Malkovich, I don’t know why. I just like him. And I think he would be kind in my portrayal.
In Soviet Russia, John Malkovich being you.
With your user name I was expecting another answer (and a pretty cool zombie movie)
Ditto. I think he could bring out the exasperation and pessimism that so much of my life warrants. And the transition to the good parts would be even funnier. “Oh, sorry honey, you’re why I keep going. I should have said that to him.”
I look like a middle-aged Richard Gere, with hair loss. All action on the sides, and nothing on top.
I’ve been told more than once that I look like “that creepy Scarecrow guy from Batman Begins.” So I guess Cillian Murphy. I didn’t like looking creepy tho.
They meant hot, but didn’t dare say it.
Aww thanks
