I tried briefly when I was younger. Never went well. Then I randomly met someone online and we had a long-distance toxic relationship on and off for about five years. I’ve been single now for about four years and am as lonely as I am terrified of trying to date again.

Honestly, I’m not even sure I should ever bother dating again. Going through therapy now, and I almost feel like my pursuit of a partner has been more like a search for a caretaker. Who would want to be in a relationship with someone like me? I forget basic things constantly, I’m broke and can barely work, I’m prone to extreme depressive episodes, my anxieties regularly control me, I have difficulty trusting people outside of my immediate family, and I’m not even physically attractive.

I’m “working on myself” through therapy and all that, but I doubt I’ll ever be in a position where I am worthy of love. It’s even less likely I’ll get to a position where I can convince someone else that I’m worth loving.