…seems rather personal to me.

A correlation rather than causation from habitual ball whackers, I suspect.

…also, natural ingredients? Weep in fear, mortals, I’m all supernatural.

“Honey, stop the presses.”

…and I’ve only ever seen them staffed by children.

That’d include someone’s side ossie, something you might drop if it ever got too lippy, or ‘not fun’. This is their ride or die.

It’s a SATCHEL

wields groin defensively