Damn, your penis is detachable? I hope they send it back once they’re done.

Stares in motherfucker

1950s general with itchy trigger finger and extra nuclear bombs:

“Hold me beer!”

No, I amanium!

“Why do they have to call me ugly?” - Oedipus the Predator.

Ash-man has seen some shit.

Okay, the chance to become a deranged santa-esque madman with pigmy T-rexes instead of reindeer is too good to pass up. Sign me up for 8!

How am I supposed to ride a pigmy T-rex into battle, wielding two m16s, and screaming “America!”, then?

Why do they always only have one massive entrance to each enclosure? Why is it large enough for the Dinosaur to walk out of? Why don’t they have two doors in series, airlock style?

Nah, bro still has a goose egg from his last apple.

That’s just what an autistic bot would comment!

Don’t threaten me with a good time.

chuckles in universal healthcare

Stop, I can only get so erect.

Any number greater than zero is too many billionaires.

Your particular brand of invisible sky wizard is different from my particular brand of invisible sky wizard. Die heretic!

OH YEAH!

Side effects may include unexpected thumb wrestling prowess.

“No, I swear I never cheated on you. It was… God, yeah, see he came to me one night and made me do it. Yeah, totally God, and not the neighbour…”

Marriage?

Kant be bothered.