Hey man. That sounds insanely hard, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with it alone without support.
Just want to say that I’ve had a similar experience. When I was diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago at 27, I was and still very much am so frustrated, disappointed, and heartbroken by the lack of support around me. My family and friends didn’t reach out in any way, acted like nothing was happening, I was dealing with it on my own, without so much as a “how are you doing?”.
I don’t have much to offer you, I don’t have answers. But I know when I went posting online looking for some, the solidarity of others with similar experiences helped keep me sane.
I’m a nice, good looking, talented young dude. It’s not me, it’s not you. At least for me, I happened to grow up in a culture where men don’t show feelings or need support. My girlfriend gets more support for dealing with my condition. It frustrates and saddens me beyond belief.
The small solace I’ve had is that I’ve been given the gift of knowledge through this experience. I’ve dealt with my mortality very young, and have a perspective on life my friends couldn’t have yet. There are others that get it, and you’ll find them. I lost who I thought were my close friends but gained close friends out of people I rarely thought of as friends at all.
People suck and are incredibly, inherently selfish. A lot of people do care but you can literally get cancer and they won’t break social norms to show it. Don’t take time waiting for these people. In my experience, the cancer wasn’t the hardest part. It was this part of losing all my friends and family. People don’t want to be around hard stuff.
Good luck, keep yourself grounded. It’s not you, it’s our broken and fucked up society. Find those that have dealt with these things, and focus on the dumb, small things that make you happy. I’m rooting for you.
Thanks for that perspective, I really appreciate it actually. What I landed on, and what ultimately helped me move on to the point that I have, is really accepting that people DO care, but just don’t have the tools to address it. Which may or may not be their fault, but I don’t have time to wait around or, much worse, help and support them to… hopefully one day support me?
My diagnosis gave me the shift of mind to realize I’d been making space for other people’s flaws and thereby sacrificing my needs. So I’ve left room for them to come back into my life, but am not wasting any energy waiting on support from them.
If I may offer my point of view on what I’ve needed in my situation - the bar is through the floor haha. Honestly I just need and want validation. My mom finally came around to acknowledging my situation, but just dumps a bunch of toxic positivity on me, e.g. “Just keep your head up and everything’s going to be great! Everyone has problems they deal with, eat right and exercise and everything’s fine”. My former coworker just responded with recently “I’m so sorry, I don’t know what to say”. And frankly that moved me to tears. I just want someone to say “that sucks, I’m sorry.” That can literally be it, just an honest space and acknowledgement. Life is hard, and sometimes it’s great. But ignoring and shunning the hard parts makes them harder and more lonely. It makes me feel gaslit constantly.
Everyone needs different things, but that’s been my needs during this time. What I hear over and over is “oh I didn’t want to impose or remind you of it.” Fam. It’s on my mind. All the time. Even when I’m happy, it’s not far. I want to talk about it, deal with it and work on it, them move on to the rest of my life. I’m more than my cancer and refusing to acknowledge it makes it my whole identity.
Anyway, this has been helpful and felt great to talk through. Thanks