First of all, I am an expat who has been living abroad for 9 years now.

Two years ago I meet a wonderful woman who is also form my home country, she has been living here a lot less time than I have (about a year by the time we meet).

About two month into our relationship she gave me an ultimatum, it was with kids or nothing.

I asked her for a few weeks to think about it and after deciding that she was the one, I decided to continue our relationship and started planning on common goals. Months went by and it was truly an amazing time, we really love each other.

Part of our life plans involved us moving in together in 2024. Before that happened, she decided to travel back to our home country to spend christmas and new year’s with her family and get some paperwork done.

While she was there, she called me one day and told me that she wanted us to move back to our home country and continue our live together there, however I do not want that, at all.

Not only it would be very expensive for me to move back, but it would be very difficult for me to find a job in my field. Here I have a high paying job, plus I own a house ideal to raise kids.

Education and quality of life is one of the best in Europe. And I really really do not want to go back to a shithole country.

She insists on her plan and gave me yet another ultimatum, I kinda already made up my mind, but I really do not know how to even start the conversation.

How can I approach this?

  • pearsaltchocolatebar@discuss.onlineEnglish
    16·
    9 months ago

    Just start with, “I need to talk to you about our relationship,” then tell her what you just told us. Relocating is a deal breaker for you, and that’s a reasonable deal breaker. Always use “I” statements, and never “You” statements.

    There’s never a good way to break up with someone, but doing it in person and being straight forward and honest is the best path to use. And you never know when a clearly communicated counter argument might actually change someone’s mind

    BUT do not go into this thinking she’s going to change her mind. Expect her to stick to her guns and the relationship to be over.