I was offered a promotion. Looks good on the resume, no extra pay and a lot more headache. I’m already burnt out, have no motivation, etc. I wish I could take like 3-6 months off to just reset and level out. But that’s not in the cards for me.

little dog is getting a second heartworm test. her first one came back positive today, which is odd because she’s been on preventatives the past three years. fingers crossed it’s just a fluke and we won’t have to do the four month treatment which involves exercise restriction.

pupdate: the other two tests came back negative, so she’s heartworm free! the vet was baffled and going to see how that first test came back positive twice.

My 5mo is having a really hard time sleeping which means my partner and I haven’t really slept through the night in 5 months. It’s affected us psychologically. We keep hoping he’ll come through. Every once in a while he’ll go for 6 hours but it’s so inconsistent. The naps are a real point of stress, too.

Pretty okay.

My team is in the Super Bowl. Again.

Go Chiefs!

For once, things are finally looking up.

Saturday: Went out to trivia with people from a newly formed local Discord. (first social outing in months) Sunday: Very stimulating conversation with a woman in Canada for 10 hours. Too bad I’m in Texas. Monday: Truck runs again! Loose nut on the lug to the starter motor in the end. Tuesday: First shower in weeks, all laundry done, some shit cleared out of the van. Wednesday: Plugged in at the makerspace and realized I’ve not really been above 50% battery in weeks. Today: Main computer working at the space after reseating literally everything. It’s a beast after living with an entry-level Surface Pro 7 for months.

Now if I could find a job …

Still in uni, got a snow day. It was a nice change of pace since this month is gonna drive me crazy. I had to pull back from a couple activities because the graphic design portfolio admission deadline is in the beginning of March. (One activity was a part time job I really like— which is an ouch. But I’ll hopefully be able to pick it up again once this is all over, based on my supervisor…) The other one is my vice president position at a community service club, but the term is ending in a month, so it’s perfect timing.

Speaking of clubs, I’ve been trying to revive the AIGA club at my school, and we voted on board today. I became president through a unanimous vote. (☍◡⁰) it was not my intention at first, but no one was raising their hand to take the role… And even the faculty advisor said she was gonna call out my name if I didn’t raise my hand lol. I think I maybe, just maybe made a good impression since I’ve been creating the building blocks. And I was too dumb to realize that ppl would want me to lead since I was… already leading, I guess. 🫠 Haha whoops.

But I’m sure it’ll pay off. I’m a little nervous but also excited! Life is crazy right now but I hope everything ends well! (Because it would be even more awkward to not get into the design program when I’m the president of the design club ._.)

US healthcare sucks. I’m gonna have to stop seeing my therapist, as they’re out of network, and financials are too tight right now. Also I can’t get my stimulant prescription, it’s constantly in high demand and low supply. Can’t afford name brand, of course.

Worse than ever :( over 14 years, and I have an audience of 4 persons, four persons in fourteen years and 2 months :( who can match that artistic record?

Had 3 folks cancel on me this week due to sickness or conflict. I’m doing good, just a bit lonely 😔

Annoying and painful. Too much to go into, but basically, my muscles seem to have a vendetta against me.

Also, I think my psych meds aren’t working right anymore. I’m beginning to experience anxieties that I haven’t had for well over a decade. Something’s off. Need to figure that shit out.

Otherwise, all is good, I guess. I think I’ve come to also realize why metal calms me the fuck down. Like, for a lot of people it’s energetic, but it brings me peace.

Didn’t really know why until I posted that Power Rangers theme on here yesterday. Went and listened to a few cartoon themes from the stuff I watched when I first fell in love with TV and especially animation. Half of them are straight up fucking metal. SWAT Kats (which had two equally badass themes), Biker Mice From Mars, etc.

I would rent SWAT Kats and Power Rangers on VHS as if they were fucking core foods I couldn’t survive without.

I think that’s why it brings me comfort. Psychologically, it’s kind of the first music genre I have associated with enjoyable experiences.

The good: my older sister and I went to see my biological dad for the first time in a decade.

The bad: my weekend is over and I’m physically and mentally exhausted.

The bittersweet: I found out from my dad that my baby sister, who I hadn’t seen since she was born, was taken into foster care and then adopted by a family in Alaska. I’m super bummed because I really wanted to be a part of her life again. He says he has contact information for the family, but I’m not holding my breath.

I started my final year Physiotherapy internship this week. It’s been a busy week mentally and physically but all in all, a good week. Last week, I was a bit unsure how this week would go as I’m doing this in Dutch and I’m still learning the language. I do sometimes find myself smiling and nodding when people are talking and all I’m hearing is “blah blah blah” but then somehow it all comes together.

Date number 2 with the chef girl update:

It went super well, we spent 8 hours together from 1pm to almost 9:30pm, she ended up coming over to my place and we cuddled for like an hour or two while she showed me tiktoks and we talked, which only felt like minutes since time flew by at an insane pace. She said she had a great time too, that it was so nice she couldn’t put it into words, so I think it went very well. Got a third date with her for this coming Friday already, this time at her place.

Doing good, got my second date with the chef girl tomorrow at 1pm, kinda nervous as it may rain and ruin our plans, but I at least have a backup plan should it do so. Also pretty nervous since I’ve only been on 1 second date before, never gone any further, so it’s gonna be an interesting ride after tomorrow…

that’s great! way ahead of the goal, i see. what was this last book about?

i’ve met with 3 people i cherish and haven’t seen in a while (a best friend, a cousin, and a fwb), yet there’s this lingering sensation it was all sour and i didn’t know how to properly react.

apart from that, I’ve been more physically active in the evenings. and I’ve eaten! regularly!

i treated myself by having a loooong play session of Hollow Knight. the stopping point was right after a key upgrade, so it felt like a cliffhanger (!!!) for when i pick it up again.