This might sound pretentious or trippy. But it’s just a thing I haven’t found a proper answer for.
My paternal parts of the family are all dead, no aunts, uncles or cousins alive any longer. My maternal parts of the family suck, they seriously suck, no joke. I decided not to procreate (and had a “few discretions” regarding this) because I didn’t want to pass the shitty genes, behaviour or guilt onto another generation.
I have an ex, some relations ago. And I really loved his mother, as a mother. I was a train wreck at one time, and she saved me and took care of me. I don’t care that she isn’t my real mother. But this was several years ago.
What really hurts is that my siblings and cousins tell me that what I felt for her was fake, as she is not a blood relative. As I have helped her more than I would ever have helped anyone else. I love her, but is it true love to love someone as a mother if they aren’t your biological mother?
This brings to mind the saying: " The blood of the covenant is stronger than the water of the womb." Which means the relationships you CHOOSE are often stronger than the ones you’re born into. If your found family supports and loves you but your biological family doesn’t, then your true family is your found/chosen family. You don’t need to associate with people who mistreat you.
Your siblings and cousins are gaslighting you.
Your feelings are valid.
If you love someone more than your mother as a mother, then you love that person more than your mother as a mother. That’s totally fine.
Many LGBTQ+ people have to create their families out of caring people that they meet and come to love and trust, because their families reject and hate them. Those bonds are as valid (and in some cases many times more valid) than bonds of mere blood.
Absolutely! You don’t have any say in what family you are born into, they might be good, might suck ducks, more likely somewhere in between. You can choose family that are not biologically related to you, and love them as purely or even more so than you do biological family. Many refer to their close friends as chosen family for this very reason. Love who you love and be happy, no matter who may try to piss on your happiness.
Your motherly figure doesn’t have to be your blood mother
Growing up, I always hated my uninvolved authoritarian parents. For some unconscious reasons, I picked up on Richard Dawkins as my fatherly figure, although he is the age of my grandfather now and I never met him inperson. I loved the way he charmingly calmly and rationaly replied, not because “I said so”. I loved that he was successful. I loved his non-snarky absolute confident way of looking and talking. I really looked up to him
I love her, but is it true love to love someone as a mother if they aren’t your biological mother?
Do you think a child that was adopted, but never told it was adopted, would love its parents any less than children of biological parents?
No, they wouldn’t. Because emotions are not in any way influenced by our “blood relations.” If that actually influenced love, there would be far fewer shitty parents in the world.
