It is absolutely possible to treat the child like a person. My point is that most tantrums are allowed by the parents because of frustration.
The reason for tantrums should be clear as day to the parents. Usually, the kid is wanting something or not wanting to do something badly. Kids are not complex and their basic needs should be second nature to parents by the time they are old enough to throw a tantrum.
When a child is old enough to throw a tantrum, they are able to understand words, generally. IMHO, the parent needs to be firm, not “strict”. Old phrases like “the parents are always right” or “because I said so” should be thrown in the trash where they belong.
For example, when I was at the mall with my first daughter (she was 4, I think.) she threw her first (and last) tantrum in the middle of the crowded mall because she wanted to go into the Disney store as we were leaving. My reaction was quick and firm. I immediately squatted down to her eye level, ensured eye contact and that she was fully focused on me. (Being quick about my response was important.) I explained that throwing a tantrum was not going to help her situation one bit. I didn’t raise my voice or hold her down. I didn’t threaten her with punishment or anything like that. She understood immediately that she did not like my shift into “daddy mode” and the battle was over quicker than it started.
My approach there was to quickly snap the kids attention directly to me. Using words they understand is important, of course, but I explain what they are doing is not right. I have them repeat the point of what I say to make sure they understand it, out loud.
If, by chance, the parent actually doesn’t understand what the child needs, that is a perfect time to ask. Help the child communicate their needs properly.
How that is applied is situational, but the underlying method is the same. Break the endless cycle of the kid saying “but I want” and the parent just saying “no”.
Tantrums are all the same. It’s a pointless escalation of a situation by both the child and the parent.
Neurodivergence is a special case, obviously. However, using distraction and simple logic can help as well. There have been a few tantrums by my nephew I have stopped cold using the same method. It is more challenging because of the needs of the child, but it works.
It is absolutely possible to treat the child like a person. My point is that most tantrums are allowed by the parents because of frustration.
The reason for tantrums should be clear as day to the parents. Usually, the kid is wanting something or not wanting to do something badly. Kids are not complex and their basic needs should be second nature to parents by the time they are old enough to throw a tantrum.
When a child is old enough to throw a tantrum, they are able to understand words, generally. IMHO, the parent needs to be firm, not “strict”. Old phrases like “the parents are always right” or “because I said so” should be thrown in the trash where they belong.
For example, when I was at the mall with my first daughter (she was 4, I think.) she threw her first (and last) tantrum in the middle of the crowded mall because she wanted to go into the Disney store as we were leaving. My reaction was quick and firm. I immediately squatted down to her eye level, ensured eye contact and that she was fully focused on me. (Being quick about my response was important.) I explained that throwing a tantrum was not going to help her situation one bit. I didn’t raise my voice or hold her down. I didn’t threaten her with punishment or anything like that. She understood immediately that she did not like my shift into “daddy mode” and the battle was over quicker than it started.
My approach there was to quickly snap the kids attention directly to me. Using words they understand is important, of course, but I explain what they are doing is not right. I have them repeat the point of what I say to make sure they understand it, out loud.
If, by chance, the parent actually doesn’t understand what the child needs, that is a perfect time to ask. Help the child communicate their needs properly.
How that is applied is situational, but the underlying method is the same. Break the endless cycle of the kid saying “but I want” and the parent just saying “no”.
Tantrums are all the same. It’s a pointless escalation of a situation by both the child and the parent.
Neurodivergence is a special case, obviously. However, using distraction and simple logic can help as well. There have been a few tantrums by my nephew I have stopped cold using the same method. It is more challenging because of the needs of the child, but it works.