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The original was posted on /r/sex by /u/A_Achilles on 2023-08-11 21:09:09.

First and foremost: everything I’m saying here I have already brought to the attention of my wife. I’m not hiding anything from her and we discuss this pretty openly but neither of us know where to go from here.

The details…

We’re a married couple in our early 30s with two kids. We’ve been married now for seven years. Our relationship is still good, I don’t have a “wandering eye” and I’m not seeking someone else or anything like that. I’m just not getting anything out of our sex anymore.

We did a ‘blind’ rating of how we perceived our sex lives and she said 4 maybe 5/5. I was pretty surprised at this because I’m sitting around maybe a 2 or 3 out of 5. We got to talking and I told her my concerns…

I’m tired of doing all the work, tired of initiating, tired of asking (because any time I try to be spontaneous it gets shut down). It’s always when she ‘schedules it’ or brings it up. There’s never anything in the moment. It’s repetitive.

For clarity, it wasnt always like this. But after I told her this she made some effort to address these things. She tried to initiate but it was actually even worse because she said she was in the mood, but now I need to turn her on to get her ready which is the whole problem to begin with. She didn’t understand why this was upsetting when I explained how it’s kind of bullshit that when I’m in the mood, I have to initiate and do the foreplay and everything, but when she’s in the mood, her role is to just tell me so I can do the same thing?

To put it bluntly our sex - for me - has just gotten boring. I don’t get fulfillment or satisfaction out of it anymore and too often I have difficulties finishing or keeping it going because it’s just so repetitive and unrewarding. I don’t know how I can make it any clearer or what to do to improve it.