I am married and have a couple young kids. Recently late diagnosed at 31 years.
Surprise! Turns out the loud noises and random chaos that comes with kids sometimes leads me to a meltdown.
Usually, I can feel it coming on and go “hide” for 5 minutes in a dark room to reset myself and go back to being a helpful parent. Wife is very understanding and supportive.
The problem comes when we are out in public. I’m not always with my wife. Last week I took the kids on an outing, and wife was taking the opportunity to shop (fortunately nearby, but out of sight or earshot) while I played with the kids. One thing led to another and I pretty quickly found myself melting down with no way to stop it, and became basically paralyzed and barely able to keep the kids from getting lost, much less destroying everything in the store.
Luckily my wife answered her phone and was close enough to come help (about 15 minutes because she was in line to buy things), but with my kids I couldn’t just abandon them and go “hide”. But it took me a good hour to come back to reality without any good hiding place to reset myself.
I know this is a potentially dangerous situation for my kids, and quite unfair for my wife to have to come save me all the time, but unavoidable sometimes. Any tips to prevent/delay a meltdown in critical situations like this? I can’t use earbuds in this case like I usually would because I need to be able to hear my kids.
Edit: I had no idea I might be on the spectrum until after having kids. I suspect growing up in a very mellow family and then living mostly alone afterward isolated me enough from triggering situations and social interactions in general I just didn’t connect the dots.
That you’re suffering is a sad thing. That you’re looking for the solution is commendable. You good people, fellow dad.
Unfortunately, I can’t provide any lasting and good solution, since I have been experiencing meltdowns so powerful, that it almost ended bad for my kid. Almost. No way to solve, no way to avoid that will work 100% on the spot.
Instead I practice daily meditation, usually prior to going to sleep, and the one I’m using makes me less stressed out the next day. It takes a strong mix of problems for me (exhaustion, stress, hunger, bad weather conditions, fear and more) to get close to explosion.
In addition, I’m trying to avoid self-flaggelation with times I screwed up. I’m a parent. I’m struggling for her. I fail. I fail her miserably. But I get up and try again to do things right this time, knowing that when I failed the last time it wasn’t my choice to be a bad parent.
It helps. Not much, but it helps.
Goodluck out there and never give up.
What kind of meditation do you do? Is there a source you use for it?
It’s Sahaj Samadhi as taught by a peculiar group that I won’t name here, because I won’t as hell advertise a sect…
Anyway: unfortunately, meditation is very subjective thing and while this specific oe works for me, doesn’t mean it will work for you. I was searching for a meditation for years untill I’ve found this one. Each and every one that I’ve been using before it “didn’t click” with me, there was always something off, something was missing.
I encourage you to try any given one that you will either find in the Internet, or the one that people around you can teach you - there are often some free courses organized, or cheap training lessons. It’s worth the time and effort.
You could try to anticipate and having earplugs (they do not block all sound just dampen it) helps. On top of the earplugs sometimes I wear noise cancelling headphones with some music on.