Season 1 episode 22, this dialogue hit me.

Dean: “He’d be furious.”
John (Possessed by Azazel): “What?”
Dean: “That I wasted a bullet. He wouldn’t be proud of me, he’d tear me a new one. You’re not my Dad.”

I’m sure this fact has been done to death, but the fact that Dean, who as he put it “knows his father better than anyone else alive” recognized the fact John was possessed because Azazel-in-John’s-body told Dean “I’m proud of you” is absolutely heartbreaking.

And there are so many other moments in the end of S1 episodes where you see how demeaning John’s language is to them, and Dean especially–

“Touch up your car. It’s starting to rust. I wouldn’t have given you the damn thing if I knew you were going to ruin it.”

“I’m not a huge fan of your new tone.”

“You disobeyed a direct order.”

I understand that John had to do what he had to do to ensure Sam and Dean survived in a world where he had good reason to believe monsters were after his children and himself.

Some of what he did was harsh but somewhat understandable if John imagines himself living in a somewhat apocalyptic wild-west type world with unchecked evils coming fro them.

But there’s absolutely no reason why, in that scenario, he couldn’t have ensured he told his boys he was proud of them, praised their accomplishments, ensured that they knew even when they made mistakes, they were still valued and loved.

Moments like this make me understand why at times Dean and Sam both say incredibly harsh and hurtful things to one another.

John was neglectful at best and abusive at worst in his language towards them.

They emulated that sometimes in their treatment of each other, but at least both Dean and Sam seemed to know how to apologize–something John was pretty garbage at.