A knight stood at the front door of an enormous mansion. Its gleaming walls and glistening decorations spelt out how obscenely wealthy the family was, which would explain the enormous sum on the quest the knight was offered. Still, a job was a job, and though the quest seemed relatively easy, he would take it with the utmost seriousness.

The butler greeted him at the door and invited him inside, rushing him to a meeting room; there was no time to admire the high hanging chandelier dazzling in the ambient sunlight or the many paintings adorning the walls. Eventually, after the many pleasantries that nobles exchanged before any real words were spoken, he sat on a plush chair across from the noble couple who owned this mansion.

“Well then, first, we’d like to welcome you to our humble abode,” the Mr. said, dabbing his mouth after taking a sip of tea.

“Thank you for having me, sir. I must say, this is highly unusual for a simple quest. I am to escort your daughter, yes?”

“Erm, haha, yes. You are to escort her… to uh…” he dabbed the sweat forming on his face with a napkin. “Well, how about to Gerald’s Peak?”

“Gerald’s Peak?! Are you certain, sir? Such a journey would take months, at the least.”

“Wonderful! I mean, yes, it would certainly take months, wouldn’t it?” The nobleman issued a wavy smile. His wife gently squeezed his arm, giving him a smile in return.

Still, the knight felt as though something were amiss here. “Well then, I am more than willing to accept this quest. Though the journey will be long, I will deliver her and return her here with the utmost haste.”

“No need to hurry!” the wife cried out. “Please, no need to try and rush your journey. Take as much time as you would like.”

“Y-yes, of course, ma’am.”

“We… uh, we wouldn’t want our darling little girl to feel stressed, you see.”

“Of course…” Something was definitely amiss.

“Well then, here’s the advance payment,” the Mr. said, as the butler came in with a giant pouch on a silver platter.

When he opened it to count the contents, the knight fell over in shock. “Gods above!” he said, recovering himself. “This, this is ludicrous! You would offer this much for such a simple quest?”

“Of course, sir knight. Keep in mind, we are expected the best accommodations for her; your portion is included, and anything left over after the journey ends is yours as well,” the mother said.

“And the letter?” the knight asked, only now having noticed it.

“Instructions for when you reach your destination,” the father said, with a stern warning not to open it until arrival.

“Very well. I would like to meet this daughter of yours then.”

“Oh, the butler will have her wait for you in the gardens. From there you may escort her.”

“I’m afraid I must refuse,” the knight replied, putting his foot down. This was too unusual, and for such high pay… He needed to hear the daughter’s understanding of all this. He cannot blindly accept such a strange quest.

“Erm, that would…”

The couple fumbled over their words, trying to stitch together a sentence, but the knight didn’t relent. He stated outright; he would refuse the quest unless they brought the daughter in. The couple glanced at each other, speaking unspoken words between them, until they relented.

Not long after, their daughter walked in. She was in the prime of her youth, somewhere near the knight’s own age, but with a radiant beauty that called all attention to herself without even trying. She was still in her sleepwear, but even in such inelegant attire, she cut a most excellent figure. The knight’s heart skipped a beat as he stood suddenly to greet her with a bow.

“It is an honor to meet you, milady. I am the humble knight assigned to escort you to your destination.” He fumbled over his words, unsure what to say to someone as beautiful as her. His heart pounded in his chest as he awaited her reply.

“Huh? Sigma goated gigachad, skibidi gyatt! Escort quest to Ohio with the rizzler??”

Ah. Everything came together as soon as the knight saw the noble’s ashamed faces.