Voldemort has just risen from the cauldron, given his wand and robe by Pettigrew. He spots Harry still tied to the Reaper stone and hisses triumphantly, “Harry Potter… It’s been a long time since I’ve laid eyes on you. You did well at the room with the mirror.”

Harry cracked a grin, “Thanks, Phil.”

Voldemort turned to the teen and regarded him curiously, “Phil?”

Harry shrugged apologetically, “Well, you know all of those hyphenated names people like to come up with for us? I’m ‘The-Boy-Who-Lived’ and you’re ‘You-Know-Who’ amongst others. It’s gotten so bad that Draco Malfoy, Lucius’ son, came up with the new name of Phil for you since there are dozens of people who we might know which just makes it all so confusing.”

Voldemort couldn’t help the oily smirk that crossed his face, “There are worse things to be called besides ‘Phil,’ I suppose.”

Harry chuckled ruefully, “Yeah, and that was one of the tamer names that have been making the rounds at school. The students in Slytherin have gotten good at coming up with them. They say that they’ve got the right to come up with the names because of who their parents are. Heck, some of their parents were coming up with some doozies!”

A dark fire lit Voldemort’s eyes as he hissed dangerously, “Do tell…”

---

“why, one of those names was Hadrian” Harry said “Pansy Parkinson came up with that idea”.

“maybe you could take that name” Voldemort said.

“no, that would make me sound as pretentious as Draco Malfoy”.

“hmm, what a good point, any others” Voldemort said.

“Crab has been calling you luscious”.

“Lucius Malfoys middle name?” Voldemort asked “really?”.

“didn’t know that was his middle name but yeah, Goyle calls you Ronald McDonald”

“what?”

“yes, Luna Lovegood has been calling you Albus Severus Potter” Harry said “and i have no idea why, she claims i will name my second son after Dumbledore and Snape”

“does she claim that you have another son called Gilderoy Tom Potter? id say you must have been drunk or something to come up with that name, unless you weren’t the one to choose the name” Voldemort said, “but enough about weird names for hypothetical great grand children…i mean children”.

“what?” Harry asked.

“its a long story” Voldemort said “anyway back to names ive been called”.

“well Lavender brown has been calling you the Lich King, Dumbledore has been calling you Tom without jerry, Flitwick has been calling you Sir Noseless, Minister Fudge has been calling you the thing that is not alive, Hermione has been calling you Moldy Voldy, Ron Weasley has been calling you. Ginny Weasley has been calling you Dragon Food, Delores Umbridge has been calling you her Rival”.

“eww, i remember that toad” Voldemort said “and why the dragon food one”

“well she did one up her brother Charlie by taming a three wild dragons that are larger than whales, but that is besides the point” Harry said.

“i suppose it is” Voldemort said.

“i call you Mr Wizard” Avery said, bringing Harry and Voldemort out of the odd conversation they had been having with all the death eaters standing in a circle still.
“i call you Mr Burns” Crabs said.

“i thought that was what we called Lucius” Goyle said.

“no you fool, we call him Loony luscious” Crab said, before grabbing his wand and pointing it at Goyle, before casting a spell, but the wand was backwards, and Crab Launched himself into the sun.

“Mr Crabs, where are you going” Goyle said to the rapidly vanishing Crab.

“not this again, i am surrounded by Idiots” Voldemort.

“Hey” Harry yelled.

“i call the Dark lord the Dancing Queen” a random death eater said out of nowhere.