“We almost died in there!”

Harry yelled at them, as Lily knelt down to her son’s level.

“Oh Harry, that’s just the standard trial for third years that’s been happening for hundreds of years.”

“Including the FUCKING FIRE MONSTER THAT TRIED TO BURN US ALL INTO ASH?!”

“That’s how your father’s friend Peter Pettigrew died when he was thirteen, poor fucker never saw it coming. I convinced your father to replace Pettigrew with Severus, though it took a lot of convincing. Like three dates.”

Harry crossed his arms and scowled

“Don’t fret, keeping the peace between your father and Uncle Severus is how you ended up with two older siblings. and your ten younger siblings.” Lilly told Harry

“And if it makes you feel better Crabbe and Goyle died during their trial. Dumbledore already sent a condolences letter to their parents and has promised to at least give both boys ten seconds of silence to remember them. I just hope he can control his inner scumbag.” Remus said

Later at the dinner, Dumbledore stood up in black robes “Tonight we remember the life of someone special. But now let’s talk about these two dead stupid inbred children.” Dumbledore said, waving his wand to show an image of Crabbe and Goyle."

“ALBUS!” McGonagall shrieked as Dumbledore barely looked at her “Oh be quiet Minerva, I heard these two idiots fell in the lava after seeing a candy bar strapped to the wall. If they weren’t so inbred this wouldn’t have happened.” Dumbledore said cheerfully