Sorting Hat: “Let’s see here… Oh my, you’re a time traveler!”

Harry’s eyes widened. How do you know that?

“It’s all here, inside your head. Oh, don’t be so surprised. Occlumency doesn’t work against me, I was created by Godric Gryffindor himself!”

Harry tensed. Are you going to tell Dumbledore?

“No, no, not at all. My job is to sort people, not reveal their secrets.”

Harry let out a sigh of relief.

“So, you went back in time to get your revenge on Dumbledore, did you?”

He raised me like a pig for slaughter. I’m going to make him pay.

“And… You want to date Daphne Greengrass?”

I have to marry her, to secure an alliance with the Grey faction.

“Merlin’s beard, she’s only 11 years old!”

So am I!

“No, Mr. Potter, you are an adult in an 11-year old body.”

Look, I don’t need to hear this from you. Just sort me already.

“Don’t worry, Mr. Potter. I know just what to do with you. Better be… AZKABAN!”