I have been recently diagnosed as autistic, and now I seem to see autism everywhere in my social circle. My brother, a daughter, at least two friends. . . Either there are a lot of undiagnosed autistic people out there OR I tend to become friends (more comfortable) with fellow autists, OR I am just being silly and am attributing autism to NT people with strong interests. Fellow neurodivergent folks of all types, what is your experience? (Edit: changed ND to NT. oops!)
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gestures all around
Uh… Yeah?
Hahaha
In my experience, I tend to feel more comfortable around other autistic people, but there are some types of autistic people where I feel the opposite way. It’s called a spectrum for a reason!
Nearly everyone in my discord server is somewhere on the spectrum. We seem to gravitate towards other ND people when we can
I think we do it automatically. I only realised recently how prevalent we are, to the extent where my favourite comedian ‘came out’ to me in a conversation with him the other month.
Same thing happened to me with music. I have two favorite musicians that I listen to mostly 95% of the time: Ren Gill and Residente. About 2-3 weeks ago, I heard a new-to-me song from Residente where he says that he was diagnosed as autistic in childhood. I haven’t heard Ren come out as autistic, but it’s evident to me that he is. A lot of his songs cover struggles that autistic people endure. He even has a songs where he sings “na-na-na-na-nee-nee-nee” and shares how his mind works, which sounds pretty autistic to me. I almost want to go on his YouTube channel and tell him that I think he’s autistic in case he has as much self-awareness as I did before I found out (zero), but it might come off as rude. Perhaps if I frame it in a caring and inclusive way, it will come across better.
I think it’s a multitude of things:
- autistic people tend to gravitate to other autistic people since we share strong interests and other traits
- although there is a cutoff for diagnosis, autistic traits are everywhere and if someone has them, they might not be diagnosed but still have some traits
- autism is hereditary. So some people in your familiy will have it too
- a lot of people don’t get diagnosed for vaious reasons so they don’t necessarily identify as autistic but they might be.
I could name many more but those are the top reasons I could think of.
Summary: It’s awesome to see that people actually are like you in a way. You‘re in a brave new world. Try to enjoy.
autism is hereditary. So some people in your familiy will have it too
Or in my case, my mother’s side was likely autistic, while my father’s side was narcissistic (dad was 100% classic NPD), and unfortunately, I lost my mother around ~3 y/o, so I only knew the abusive jerks that thought I was the perfect scapegoat to take advantage of.
Oof. I‘m so sorry. I absolutely know what you mean. My parents are both highly abusive. I hope you have people to talk to.
Thank you! I ran away once I was old enough, and now I keep them far away. I’ve been finding my own crew, which is pretty hard when I don’t have a template of what to look for, but I have an idea of what I don’t want.
From my experience, if I think you’re smart or cool, you’re probably autistic. I really like autistic people in general, while allistic people are hit or miss for me. Even the ones that I do like I can only be around them for short periods of time. To be clear, I’m not placing responsibility on allistic people. It’s just that it takes a lot of cognitive effort on my part to consider every possible way something could be misinterpreted before I say/do something, then get frustrated when I missed something and unavoidably upset someone. We have different cultures. However, some allistic people are quite annoying with their social games, manipulation, taking offense out of seemingly nowhere, and the need to look down on me.
For example, I was at the hospital visiting a friend. She had a friend of hers there too. I have known her friend for years now, but I don’t enjoy their company. Anyway, I made a minor mistake with a request my friend made regarding her dinner because of a miscommunication, so I jokingly said, “Sorry, I’m autistic.” Somehow, this offended her allistic friend enough that she had to butt into the conversation and say, “So that’s your excuse for everything now? That you’re autistic?” I just ignored her comment, but it was still mentally exhausting to be around. For the future, I’m prepared to confront her the next time she pulls out one of her antagonizing remarks because she thinks she’s superior and can get away with it. Just because I stay quiet doesn’t mean she “got me”. It means I didn’t find it worthwhile to defend myself and create a nastier environment while my friend was in the hospital.
I can find some autistic people annoying, too, but I find that I can address that with them much easier than I could with allistic people who will more likely unnecessarily jump to incorrect conclusions.
I imagine most people flock along some set of similarity characteristics; even if there were no attractive force between neurodivergent people, ND people would flock by the nature of being otherwise excluded, as per hydrophobic molecules
TIL I am a hydrophobic molecule ❤️
My NT girlfriend has two (other) autistic friends. Apart from that there are none or at least none, who would describe themselves as ND or “on the spectrum”.
I understand this post is old, but I tend to flock more with the ADHD/ADD crowd than with fellow autistics. I don’t know what that says about me mentally, but I find it easier to get along with the attention deficit folks. Probably because they talk more which lets me listen more. I do still have friends on the spectrum, but usually from circumstance (coincidence or being in the same places like in school.)
I find that autistic people tend to attract each other the same way stand users tend to attract each other. It’s a little weird tbh.
Legit, tho.
