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Cake day: June 16th, 2023

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  • This ranking assumes that there are never any fluke games and all teams are appropriately ranked. If you beat a team that is higher ranked than you, you move ahead of them and they move down one spot. However, other teams can jump in front of teams that are higher ranked than you, moving you further down the rankings.

    TEAM Ranking Points
    Seahawks 1 218
    Jaguars 2 175
    Rams 3 172
    Texans 4 169
    49ers 5 149
    Broncos 6 140
    Patriots 7 85
    Bills 8 79
    Chargers 9 62
    Eagles 10 43
    Colts 11 41
    Bears 12 27
    Steelers 13 26
    Bucs 14 15
    Vikings 15 2
    Panthers 16 1
    Lions 17 -5
    Packers 18 -5.5
    Falcons 19 -7
    Ravens 20 -39
    Chiefs 21 -72
    Saints 22 -75
    Dolphins 23 -75
    Cowboys 24 -84.5
    Cardinals 25 -94
    Titans 26 -97
    Bengals 27 -100
    Commanders 28 -126
    Giants 29 -148
    Raiders 30 -151
    Browns 31 -152
    Jets 32 -173


  • This ranking assumes that there are never any fluke games and all teams are appropriately ranked. If you beat a team that is higher ranked than you, you move ahead of them and they move down one spot. However, other teams can jump in front of teams that are higher ranked than you, moving you further down the rankings.

    TEAM Ranking Points
    Seahawks 1 195
    Jaguars 2 177
    Texans 3 161
    Rams 4 160
    49ers 5 151
    Broncos 6 125
    Eagles 7 84
    Patriots 8 75
    Chargers 9 72
    Bills 10 62
    Colts 11 52
    Bears 12 42
    Panthers 13 13
    Packers 14 9.5
    Steelers 15 4
    Bucs 16 -11
    Vikings 17 -19
    Falcons 18 -20
    Ravens 19 -25
    Lions 20 -30
    Chiefs 21 -34
    Cowboys 22 -51.5
    Saints 23 -59
    Dolphins 24 -68
    Bengals 25 -71
    Titans 26 -91
    Cardinals 27 -95
    Commanders 28 -154
    Browns 29 -155
    Giants 30 -158
    Raiders 31 -163
    Jets 32 -178



  • Bonus rankings! This one is more straightforward. Teams get points for wins. They get more points for beating good teams and fewer points for beating bad teams. (+32 for beating the best team, +1 for beating the worst). Teams lose points for losses. They lose more points for losing to bad teams and fewer points for losing to good teams. (-32 for losing to the worst team, -1 for losing to the best). The point total was reset with the first game of the season.

    TEAM Ranking Points
    Rams 1 185
    Seahawks 2 176
    Jaguars 3 153
    Texans 4 136
    49ers 5 135
    Broncos 6 111
    Chargers 7 74
    Bills 8 69
    Patriots 9 69
    Eagles 10 67
    Colts 11 49
    Bears 12 47
    Steelers 13 33
    Packers 14 31.5
    Panthers 15 21
    Bucs 16 16
    Lions 17 -7
    Chiefs 18 -25
    Vikings 19 -37
    Ravens 20 -49
    Falcons 21 -49
    Cowboys 22 -52.5
    Saints 23 -64
    Titans 24 -67
    Cardinals 25 -70
    Bengals 26 -84
    Dolphins 27 -95
    Commanders 28 -128
    Raiders 29 -135
    Giants 30 -160
    Jets 31 -168
    Browns 32 -182







  • Bonus rankings! This one is more straightforward. Teams get points for wins. They get more points for beating good teams and fewer points for beating bad teams. (+32 for beating the best team, +1 for beating the worst). Teams lose points for losses. They lose more points for losing to bad teams and fewer points for losing to good teams. (-32 for losing to the worst team, -1 for losing to the best). The point total was reset with the first game of the season.

    TEAM Ranking Points
    Rams 1 191
    Seahawks 2 144
    Texans 3 128
    Jaguars 4 125
    Broncos 5 117
    49ers 6 114
    Bills 7 75
    Eagles 8 63
    Chargers 9 61
    Patriots 10 51
    Colts 11 49
    Packers 12 48.5
    Bucs 13 31
    Bears 14 30
    Lions 15 15
    Steelers 16 14
    Panthers 17 4
    Chiefs 18 -6
    Cowboys 19 -37.5
    Ravens 20 -38
    Cardinals 21 -44
    Vikings 22 -47
    Falcons 23 -60
    Saints 24 -65
    Dolphins 25 -79
    Titans 26 -81
    Bengals 27 -94
    Commanders 28 -121
    Giants 29 -136
    Raiders 30 -139
    Jets 31 -143
    Browns 32 -170



  • Looking up penalty stats will tell you that the Chiefs commit more penalties than other teams. What it won’t tell you is whether the Chiefs get bad calls in their favor, and whether they happen at critical moments of the game.

    I live close enough to Missouri that I get all their games. They get so many calls that tip the game in their favor. Penalty stats be damned. Watch the damn games.


  • I just finished the newest season of Only Murders in the Building. I liked it better than the last two seasons.

    About to jump into the new season of Stranger Things.

    Oh, and football. Chiefs might miss the playoffs. There’s really no front runners in the NFL.

    In college, Miami jumped Notre Dame when neither played, dropping ND out of the playoffs, and now they’re declining ANY bowl. Also, literally everything about Michigan’s head coach over the last 24 hours. And with JMU and Tulane both getting autobids, I’m curious if the playoffs will get more revisions next year. College ball is like a soapy reality show for men.


  • Bonus rankings! This one is more straightforward. Teams get points for wins. They get more points for beating good teams and fewer points for beating bad teams. (+32 for beating the best team, +1 for beating the worst). Teams lose points for losses. They lose more points for losing to bad teams and fewer points for losing to good teams. (-32 for losing to the worst team, -1 for losing to the best). The point total was reset with the first game of the season.

    TEAM Ranking Points
    Rams 1 178
    Texans 2 127
    Jaguars 3 127
    Seahawks 4 119
    49ers 5 103
    Broncos 6 99
    Eagles 7 64
    Patriots 8 61
    Packers 9 58.5
    Bills 10 47
    Colts 11 46
    Chargers 12 46
    Bucs 13 43
    Lions 14 24
    Bears 15 23
    Panthers 16 14
    Steelers 17 10
    Chiefs 18 3
    Cowboys 19 -15.5
    Cardinals 20 -35
    Ravens 21 -44
    Vikings 22 -57
    Dolphins 23 -67
    Saints 24 -71
    Falcons 25 -75
    Bengals 26 -82
    Titans 27 -82
    Giants 28 -112
    Commanders 29 -129
    Raiders 30 -129
    Jets 31 -138
    Browns 32 -156




  • Bonus rankings! This one is more straightforward. Teams get points for wins. They get more points for beating good teams and fewer points for beating bad teams. (+32 for beating the best team, +1 for beating the worst). Teams lose points for losses. They lose more points for losing to bad teams and fewer points for losing to good teams. (-32 for losing to the worst team, -1 for losing to the best). The point total was reset with the first game of the season.

    TEAM Ranking Points
    Rams 1 164
    Seahawks 2 107
    49ers 3 102
    Texans 4 101
    Jaguars 5 101
    Broncos 6 100
    Eagles 7 79
    Bucs 8 73
    Colts 9 60
    Patriots 10 56
    Bills 11 43
    Bears 12 41
    Packers 13 34.5
    Chargers 14 24
    Lions 15 14
    Panthers 16 14
    Chiefs 17 7
    Cowboys 18 3.5
    Steelers 19 -11
    Ravens 20 -31
    Cardinals 21 -40
    Vikings 22 -54
    Bengals 23 -70
    Dolphins 24 -75
    Titans 25 -83
    Falcons 26 -89
    Commanders 27 -97
    Giants 28 -99
    Saints 29 -105
    Jets 30 -117
    Raiders 31 -119
    Browns 32 -129