Hey benignintervention! Just wanted to say I really liked your view of things. I am so glad things turned out for the better for you. I am sure you still have your ups and downs, as we all!, but it is so encouraging to read what helped you and what did not. Even though this reply was addressed to someone else, it really brightened my evening to read how you handled things - for better or for worse. Thank you so much!
Hey again, canadianchik! Thank you for going into some more details about your situation. I feel like I could understand you a bit better.
It sucks when you can’t really connect with your parents. It’s a bit funny, but it really doesn’t matter how old we are, we always seek validation from parents. The good news is that this relationship can also change, but I do acknowledge it’s not easy. We are so caught up in our parent-child roles and there is a lot of history to overcome.
As for your ex, I get that you finally found someone nice in him after all those years of heartbreak. Now, breaking up with him hurts so much more because of this. I am really sorry to hear this, I am! I also noticed that despite you saying you made a mistake, you also mentioned you are still friends. To me that proves your mistake was not as grave after all, even if it caused your break up.
In both of these situation, I would just like to encourage you to accept your emotions as they are. You might be jealous of your siblings. You might be scared of your dad. You might miss your ex. You might be possessive of him. To all of this I say: so what! These are your feelings, your reactions to what is happening to you. Knowing that time will heal or that you have “high functioning” depression does not change your experience one bit. So, own it. For now, this is how you feel and that’s alright as well. ❤️🩹
Hey canadianchik, your post touched me. It seems like you are overwhelmed, there is so much in this post alone to unpack. I know how much it hurts to lose a loved one. When you are so close to someone, it is very difficult to imagine life without them. We would do anything in our power to keep them close. Compound this with family who don’t understand and being lonely, and you’ve got a perfect storm! I don’t have any good advice for you (I’m sure others will), but I just want to send some nice thoughts your way. Even when it does not seem so, your situation will improve and your life will get brighter. I am sure of it! Until then, I am keeping my fingers crossed for your days to be light.
Hey Scubus, I found your comment and the discussions with others interesting. What caught my eye was your statement that you are probably “not going to be around next month”. It got me worried you are considering hurting yourself!
If that is the case, please reach out to any of your friends that you say do see value in you as a person, or family. There are also organisations that you can contact to help you deal with these feelings, if you would prefer a more anonymous route. I might be able to suggest some resources if you tell me where you live.
I completely agree with one other commenter saying that thinking about yourself as having a fixed, unlikable component is a simplistic view of human nature. The fact that you haven’t been able to find a romantic partner until now does not confirm it. There are so many factors determining whether two people who are compatible with each other come together, of which one commonly missed, but in fact immensely important, is luck!
When you ask people what they think might be wrong with you, they will come up with something, mostly out of their wish to help you. The fact that some cannot come up with anything is a further testament of there being nothing fundamentally wrong with you. Rarely do people realise they should actually challenge your frame (some commenters here did): there is nothing wrong with you, you are simply asking a wrong question.
This is not to invalidate your feelings of worthlessness of love which I sensed are sometimes too much for you to handle. It simply means that these feelings and thoughts about yourself, however real and strong, do not represent some objective reality.
Again, please reach out for help if you need it! Just from reading a couple of your comments, I could tell you are a thoughtful person, capable of reflection, which is a very attractive characteristic in my romantic book. I am positive there are many, many more which, I am sure!, are going to lead the right person to you.
I am sending good karma your way and wishing you the best of luck. 🍀
Dear canadianchik, just to add that if you want to get in touch with your ex again, you can do it; he’ll tell you himself in case you annoy him, no need to anticipate his feelings. I also read that you applied for therapy, that’s a great step! Even if it’s online and it takes you a bit more time to open up, it might really help you long term. Again, I am keeping my fingers crossed for you!