• peopleproblems@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    46
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    1 year ago

    for real though

    I’m getting a divorce on the surface because she cheated on me.

    but the reality is she isn’t ok with me sharing emotions, or being vulnerable.

    fuck toxic masculinity, and it’s pervasive grip that has strangled so much

    • pete_the_cat@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      10
      ·
      1 year ago

      Good for you man (no sarcasm or anything, I’m being serious). My last relationship was toxic, she would intentionally piss me off, to the point that she would tell me to hit her, and when I’d get pissed off and rage or just break down she would tell me I had anger issues.

    • elscallr@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      6
      arrow-down
      26
      ·
      edit-2
      1 year ago

      I feel like people are doing a disservice by using the phrase “toxic masculinity”

      You can’t use that phrase without implying masculinity in general is a bad thing. Trying to draw a distinction between “masculinity” and “toxic masculinity” is using the same logic as the people that say “but you’re one of the good ones” when they’re talking to someone of [insert race, gender, religion, etc].

      They’re toxic people that cause these problems. There’s nothing wrong with masculinity.

      • Sidhean@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        16
        arrow-down
        1
        ·
        1 year ago

        You can’t use the phrase “bad egg” without implying all eggs are bad, except the “good ones”

      • Sanyanov@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        12
        arrow-down
        1
        ·
        edit-2
        1 year ago

        You’re making an incorrect comparison here.

        Race, gender, etc. are: 1)Immutable 2)Not harmful, they just are

        Toxic masculinity is behavior, it: 1)Causes measurable harm 2)Can be changed

        It’s not okay to put those things into the same bin. While I appreciate and somewhat applaud your effort to stand up for masculinity that many say is in crisis, this can be approached in a plethora of ways besides promoting objectively harmful behaviors.

      • Ookami38@sh.itjust.works
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        7
        ·
        1 year ago

        I get what you’re saying but you’re wrong. Toxic masculinity is a societal expectations thing. It’s the background noise that’s ever-present in society saying “masculinity is anger.” “Masculinity is never crying.” “Masculinity is shoving those emotions deep down in the man place, where they’ll never be seen again.”

        Healthy masculinity is ideas such as taking care of your shit. Owning responsibility for the things you can effect. Shit like that. When someone says someone has issues because of toxic masculinity, they’re not saying that masculinity itself is bad. Of course it isn’t. The thing that’s bad is our, society’s, views on what masculinity is. That’s the toxic masculinity.

      • pete_the_cat@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        5
        ·
        1 year ago

        Toxic Masculinity is taking masculinity to the extreme, acting like the only masculine traits are those that are cold and lack emotion. It’s possible to be masculine but to also have emotions.

      • tigeruppercut@lemmy.zip
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        5
        ·
        edit-2
        1 year ago

        Yeah bruh, I hate toxic people and I’m trying to cut them out of my life. That of course means exactly the same as saying I hate all people.