Ron’s day had been pretty normal. He was at the Burrow and in a few days he and his family would pick up Harry to attend the Quidditch World Cup. All was supposed to be good.

Supposed to be, but now it very much was not. Ron had gone for a walk, and suddenly dozens of other gingers appeared - and every single one was some alternate timeline version of him.

Now though, Ron was not so sure he wasn’t hallucinating.

“So Harry gives his kids bad names in the future?” Ron (or as he would now be referred to as, ‘Main Ron’) asked “Like ‘Draco Potter’ or something?”

One of the other Ron’s spoke up “Like that, although thankfully none of our Harry’s have gone that low in terms of names.”

Another Ron then said “How about we explain a bit more? For instance, in my timeline Harry got with Ginny. Now I know what your thinking but honestly it worked out well, they make each other happy and all … but then they had kids. Guess what they named their first 3 kids?”

‘Main Ron’ thought for a second, then hesitantly replied “Pigwidgeon Potter?”

‘Hinny Ron’ shook his head “No, although that is a bad name also. They named their first 3 kids ‘Crucio Potter’, ‘Avada Kedavra Potter’ and ‘Imperio Potter’ - yes, after the Unforgivables.”

“Your kidding.”

“I wish. They didn’t just stop there either. ‘Lumos Potter’; ‘Bombarda Potter’; ‘Levicorpus Potter’ … it just went on and on. It was ridiculous, and I don’t mean riddikulus like ‘Riddikulus Potter’ either. McGonagall nearly killed a kid by saying Avada’s name.” ‘Hinny Ron’ replied.

‘Main Ron’ could only stare, before another Ron stepped forward. “That isn’t just something in his timeline either. In mine Harry married Daphne Greengrass.”

“Wait, Daphne Greengrass as in the Ice Queen of Slytherin?”

‘Haphne Ron’ nodded “Yeah, and speaking of that’s the name of one of their kids: ‘Ice Queen of Slytherin Potter’. You see, they named all their kids after titles … ‘Boy-Who-Lived Potter’. ‘Tri-Wizard Champion Potter’. ‘Minister of Magic Potter’ … ‘Freak Potter’.”

All the Ron’s looked horrified, especially at the last name.

“How is freak a title?” one of the Ron’s asked.

‘Haphne Ron’ shrugged. “Apparently Harry was often just called ‘The Freak’ when he was little.”

At this every Ron had an identical thought that they would make the Dursley’s suffer for hurting their brother-in-all-but-blood - even if said brother was causing them a load of issues right now.

Another Ron coughed and stepped forward “Guess it’s my turn. In my timeline Harry got with Hermione. Yeah I know we love her, but I ended up Parvati and it all turned out well. Except for what they named their kids, for instance there’s ‘Hogwarts: A History Potter’ and ‘Monster Book of Monsters Potter’. They even named a kid after Riddle’s diary and somehow didn’t get killed by Ginny.”

‘Main Ron’ sighed “Books?”

‘Harmony Ron’ nodded 'Books."

‘Main Ron’ then looked at another Ron, who opened his mouth and said “Katie Bell. They named their kids after Quidditch teams like ‘Holyhead Harpies Potter’ and ‘Gryffindor Quidditch Team Potter’.”

He then looked at another Ron who went “Pansy Parkinson. Kids named after dogs like ‘Bulldog Potter’ and ‘Afghan Hound Potter’, and even magical ones like ‘Cerberus Potter’.”

He then looked at a third “Lavender Brown. They both either really liked me, or really wanted to make me suffer as they named all of their kids after me.”

“How?” asked ‘Hansy Ron’.

‘Harry/Lavender Ron’ flatly stated “‘Ron Potter’; ‘Ronnie Potter’; ‘Ronald Potter’; ‘Billius Potter’; ‘Won-Won Potter’.”

Another Ron winced and replied “Okay, that’s pretty bad - but I’ll do you one even worse. Harry got with Cho AFTER Cedric died. They named all their kids after Cedric. Absolutely creepiest thing ever, and Harry just goes along with it.”

‘Main Ron’ then couldn’t help but ask “Is any Ron here from a Harry & Luna timeline?”

Maybe he was inviting tragedy but he had to know.

‘Huna Ron’ waved his hand, and said “Yeah, me. I think you know exactly what they called their first kid.”

“‘Crumple-Horned Snorkack Potter’?” suggested ‘Main Ron’.

“‘Crumple-Horned Snorkack Potter’.” 'Huna Ron confirmed.

As more and more Ron’s told their stories ‘Main Ron’ was seeing a major pattern.

Harry gets with Parvati Patil and they name their kids after fashion (Crop Top Potter).

Harry gets with Tracey Davis and they name their kids after alcohol (Vodka Potter) since apparently Tracey likes to party.

Harry gets with Astoria Greengrass and they name their kids after diseases (Dragon Pox Potter).

An interesting one was Harry getting with Su Li. Interesting because they got together due to arguing about food in the library which led to snogging and eventually a somehow happy marriage. They named their kids after various types of food (Cheeseburger Potter).

‘Main Ron’ thought they had a lucky break with Susan Bones, as she got all their kids named after Aurors - except when ‘Harry/Susan Ron’ explained the names the issue was obvious. The kids were named ‘Auror Kingsley Shacklebolt Potter’; ‘Auror Alastor ‘Mad-Eye’ Moody Potter’; Auror Nymphadora ‘Don’t-Call-Me-Nymphadora’ Tonks-Lupin Potter’; and worst of all ‘Head Of The Department Of Magical Law Enforcement Amelia Bones Potter’. (and that wasn’t even all of them).

Then another Ron showed a worst case scenario.

“So, this year Harry meets this Veela chick named Fleur Delacour. They get together … and give their kids French names.” a Ron stated.

The other Ron’s could only stare in absolute horror and disgust as the ‘Flowerpot Ron’ gave name examples “‘Louis Potter’; ‘Aimée Potter’; and ‘Emmanuel Potter’.”

A few of the Ron’s were actually sick, whilst another checked to make sure ‘Flowerpot Ron’ was alright.

Then ‘Hatie Ron’ mentioned “Well the only thing that could be worse is naming a kid after Voldemort - and actually Voldemort, not his diary.” ending with a pointed look at ‘Harmony Ron’.

Then another Ron piped up “Harry got with the Carrow Twins. Hestia’s were named after dark lords like Voldemort and Grindelwald, whilst Flora named hers after ways of dying like decapitation or electrocution.”

Then ‘Haphne Ron’ shouted out “IF ANY RON HERE IS FROM A HARRY AND UMBRIDGE TIMELINE, PLEASE DO NOT SPEAK UP. LET US PRETEND IT DOESN’T EXIST.”

‘Main Ron’ wondered who Umbridge was, but then another thought popped in his head “Okay, so no matter what the kids have bad names. Why not just make him name his kids after real people, with normal names?”

One of the Ron’s sighed and answered “We tried that. Used several magical methods to discreetly force Harry to try and give normal names and what did he choose? Albus Severus Potter.”

“We tried other timeline altering magic and it didn’t work out. We somehow created a timeline where EVERYONE was named Harry, including us and Harry’s kids. Then another where Harry didn’t have kids because he was too busy being a satanist in Slytherin called Vampire Potter, who liked the taste of human blood; had a flying car; and had dated Malfoy.” ‘Hinny Ron’ continued.

‘Harmony Ron’ then said “This time though, we have a plan. We need Harry to understand that the names he’s giving his kids will get them bullied and ruin their lives. No matter what though he never understands, and neither do his wives. However there is a solution: we just need Harry to fall for a woman who understands what it’s like to be bullied over her name, and to thereby force Harry to give their kids normal names - and thankfully we know just the person.”

“Who?” asked ‘Main Ron.’

All the Ron’s grinned at this “Nymphadora Tonks.”

‘Main Ron’ didn’t know who that was, but the other Ron’s quickly explained and gave him some information and tools to help him get Harry with Tonks. Apparently in most timelines she had a single kid with Remus named ‘Teddy Lupin’ who was Harry’s godson. In one timeline though Teddy had been the result of a drunken night involving Harry, Ginny and Tonks, with Tonks dying in childbirth allowing Harry to name the kid ‘Obliviate Potter’.

As the Ron’s left, ‘Main Ron’ nodded and got to work. Thankfully it wasn’t actually too hard to introduce the two and thankfully they fell in love and got married some years later.

Once they started trying for kids Ron got nervous, but the first kid was named Teddy Potter. Teddy was named after Tonks’ father, and Ron could see the theme: Father’s names.

He expected the kids to be named ‘James Potter II’, or maybe ‘Arthur Potter’. If there was a girl then Andromeda, Lily and Molly were all readily available.

So as Ron happily approached the hospital room where Tonks had just given birth again, he was actually excited to hear the name of his new godchild (he had been asked about being the godparent before the kid was even born, and instantly said yes).

He opened the door, only for Nymphadora Potter to smile at him and say “Ron! Come and meet your goddaughter, 'Panda Potter!”

‘Goddammit’ thought Ron.